Had a Dnd night with some friends I work with. Everything was going great till I got a text from my dad saying my brother and him got into a bad fight so he drove off. Mom went after him and thankfully knew where his best friend lived. She found my brother sitting in his car passed out in the driver seat after taking alot of pills. She got him to the hospital and got him stable but he refuses to talk to anyone. 

So my anxiety full out hit me while I was sitting there trying to focus on dnd and seeming normal. My brain suddenly has an idea, what if we just get drunker? Maybe it will shut the voices up. So I did just that, I started taking whiskey and vodka, didnt eat much and it hit me real hard. I threw up twice, thankfully my friend Ashley let me vent to her about what was happening and she helped me get to my phone and call my fiance to pick me up. I left feeling stupid, childish, embarressed and a whole mess of things on top of fear that my brother might try to hurt himself again. He's had to battle severe OCD and PTSD most of his life and our parents have never made it easy on us.

When I finally got sobered up and had a talk with my parents I lost my temper and started screaming at my mom for babying him so much and making him feel like he couldnt do anything on his own. Dad got on me for that and then we were all just yelling horrible things at each other. Im not gonna apologize. I feel so helpless because I live two hours away from home so I cant be there all the time.

My brother still wont talk to me but I know he's going to therapy now. I'm hoping he sticks with it and that he'll return my texts or calls one of these days.