Sounds like you need something more constructive to put your attention on.

Perseverating, i.e. getting caught in the same train of thought can just make you feel worse and your life seem more negative. Even if it's just listening to the radio, give your mind something else to do. Make a list of things you like and what you like about them, then build on that...

i dont understand you well, and by my thinking i would say start or add something that will take your mind of, of the pattern that you are in now

it sounds to me like over repeating the same circle you are in now, which usually makes situation worse

i dont know what else to say and i dont want to hurt your feelings in any way

It is extremely complicated. I am talking about really hard-core, intense re-enactment. The only reason I'm aware of all the feelings behind is because of intense meditation, lol. And I've paid attention to it for long enough.

Yeah I just realized how weird and complicated that post sounded. I am just wondering if there is anyone who knows anything about the subject of trauma re-enactment. I am referring to a physical trauma that was done to me that I keep repeating (not like I'm abusing anyone or anything) but it is compulsive and keeps me feeling terrible about myself. (I know it is from an abusive relationship, from childhood.) I'd rather not talk about it too specifically, but if anyone needs further clarification, I will try to be more specific even though I'm not gonna feel comfortable saying exactly what it is, lol.

You don't need to give more detail than you are comfortable with. My previous suggestion to you was based on the assumption of purely mental/emotional re-enactment, which you seem to indicate is the case.

A basic part of active PTSD is flashbacks, where we mentally/emotionally relive the traumatizing event/s. You are not alone in this, if this is what is currently tormenting you. Regaining some control over your focus of attention via self-soothing techniques and deliberate re-direction of attention helps.

Sometimes PTSD folks don't have flashbacks unless something in the environment triggers it, but in the earlier stages, and at our toughest times the flashbacks seem to need no external instigation.

We talk here sometimes of developing an individualized PTSD 'tool box' - we each learn soothing and grounding and redirecting techniques (meditation is one part of this- put I sometimes get into perseveration cycles during my own meditation), and also learning how to separate our emotional present from the past. I urge you to expand your own tool box over time.

It I am off base in my suggestions, please let me know, and I will try to do better. But everyone here knows how terrible flashbacks are, and in the earlier days of recovery is often when they are most severe.

The best to you.

i dont need clarification, and dont beat yourself about post, put in what you are comfortable with or how you feel, is it weird or not that doesnt matter, what matters is that you are reaching out

i was in over and over repeating too, i couldnt stop myself and at the time i was stucked in bed too

it hurts when you start to talk about, after putting it into words you can feel really bad after and not so comfortable

it was same with me too, i still have times when i dont feel comfortable talking about something

im trying to encourage you, not to make you uncomfortable, some parts what you go through now, i have been there also, not reason what keeps you in, but pain is pain, i went it through and it wasnt easy and within time and developing new skills how to manage it gets better

best luck to you and talk as you feel comfortable

what helped me when i was stucked to bed was music, images, staring in miror

music: my imortal by evanescence,
nothing else matters by metallica,
man in the rain by mike oldfield,
i can see clearly now by bob marley
je t'aime by lara fabian
you raise me up by josh groban
buleria by david bisbal plus new age music by vangelis, yanni, karunesh, cusco and so on

songs on my language, greek syrtaky, tango to evora, religious chanting

images from light to dark blue images, purple too, one of images that calmed me is my profile image, i use many more similar

lavander balm or lavander essential oil

this helped me and you can find something else that will help you, there is way out, there is better

Yeah I'm in therapy. I've had this problem for a long time, well forever. I didn't even notice it until recently, it's just been a part of me. Like a compulsive self-harm habit. I was barely aware of it. Now I'm growing, learning, and healing, I'm like, wow this is so intense. I can't stop. And this makes me feel hoorrible about myself.

*Trigger Alert*

I've posted here that one of my most serious traumas was when, though a civilian in a battle zone, I was captured by a military patrol that set up to execute me in the field. Then when they pulled the trigger in the weapon the officer held to my head as if to kill me, it was empty. I wet my pants.

Later I saw the movie The Deerhunter, with Robert DeNiro. It's about a group of Pennsylvania guys who fight in Vietnam and come home. One of them, played by Jon Voight, goes through a similar experience in Vietnam to my own. But afterwards, he gets addicted to reenacting it by hanging out in bars in Saigon where for money he plays Russian roulette. That means putting a bullet in a revolver's chamber, rotating the chamber randomly, then putting the gun to one's head and pulling the trigger to see what luck you might have as to life or death.

Nothing on a screen, no monster movie, ever scared me as much as seeing that scene in that movie some 35 years ago. I never saw it again. But it drove me to get therapy lest I end up like Jon Voight's character, reenacting the worst day of my life over and over again.

The therapy worked. I still remember that day, but writing about it here, while hard, is not reenacting it for me. Reenacting trauma is a way to try to master one's fear of it, but there are unhealthy and healthy ways to do it.

Russian roulette is an unhealthy way. The healthy way my PTSD VA therapist did with me very carefully and gradually is called exposure therapy. And there are others. For me, getting started with therapy, whatever kind you prefer, the sooner the better was the best answer to feeling the way you describe.

Last week, I did a re-enactment of a trauma. Don't remember all the details but I do remember the emotional and physical reactions of that day. It happened in the blink of an eye...

The most important thing to remember is that the trauma happened but it will never be unforgettable... this is most common for all PTSD survivors...