Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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A few months back in a discussion in this group I briefly touched on the topic of one of my concerns/paranoias. The issue was that I feel very uncomfortable and on edge around feminists due to the nature of the abuse that lead to my traumas and who the abusers were. I also memtioned how one aspect of this in particular that bothers me is how often I see rants/posts/blogs around the internet where self proclaimed "feminists" argue things like it is rape if a man even looks at a woman, or that all sex is rape, etc.
At the time some group members here seemed surprised or even skeptical of such claims occuring in today's world.
Well recently I learned of articles about a case where a woman kept calling the cops and accusing her male neighbor of "telepathically raping" her. Of course in each case the police couldn't find any evidence that the neighbor was doing anything at all so the case would be dismissed.
Well eventually the woman went and illegally purchased a gun and then convinced her husband to go shoot that neighbor with it for telepathically raping her. The neighbor was shot several times in the back, but thankfully survived and the woman and her husband were arrested.
Here's a link to one article about it: http://abcnews.go.com/News/self-styled-telepathic-rape-victim-convicted-for-having-husband-shoot-man/blogEntry?id=20374844
I feel as though I might not be so on edge or paranoid around women and feminists if a satisfactory explaination could be given as to why none of the mainstream/prominent feminist groups/organizations ever seem to publicly denounce or speak out against the radical/extremist feminists who try hijacking the movement to preach about things like how all men are evil rapists by virtue of being born male.
Wouldn't it be in the best interest of actual feminists (as in the ones who are just about equality and not about hating men) to NOT let extremists highjack the feminist movement to turn it into one about hate?
For someone like me it comes across as looking like mainstream feminism condones the actions and sexist philosophies of the radicals/extremists when virtually nothing seems to be done about it. It doesn't exactly put me at ease when the only feminists who speak out against it or even say they're against it seem to be the small groups and individuals who identify as feminists, but frequently seem oblivious to what is going on in the modern generations of feminism.
At the time some group members here seemed surprised or even skeptical of such claims occuring in today's world.
Well recently I learned of articles about a case where a woman kept calling the cops and accusing her male neighbor of "telepathically raping" her. Of course in each case the police couldn't find any evidence that the neighbor was doing anything at all so the case would be dismissed.
Well eventually the woman went and illegally purchased a gun and then convinced her husband to go shoot that neighbor with it for telepathically raping her. The neighbor was shot several times in the back, but thankfully survived and the woman and her husband were arrested.
Here's a link to one article about it: http://abcnews.go.com/News/self-styled-telepathic-rape-victim-convicted-for-having-husband-shoot-man/blogEntry?id=20374844
I feel as though I might not be so on edge or paranoid around women and feminists if a satisfactory explaination could be given as to why none of the mainstream/prominent feminist groups/organizations ever seem to publicly denounce or speak out against the radical/extremist feminists who try hijacking the movement to preach about things like how all men are evil rapists by virtue of being born male.
Wouldn't it be in the best interest of actual feminists (as in the ones who are just about equality and not about hating men) to NOT let extremists highjack the feminist movement to turn it into one about hate?
For someone like me it comes across as looking like mainstream feminism condones the actions and sexist philosophies of the radicals/extremists when virtually nothing seems to be done about it. It doesn't exactly put me at ease when the only feminists who speak out against it or even say they're against it seem to be the small groups and individuals who identify as feminists, but frequently seem oblivious to what is going on in the modern generations of feminism.
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
As for the feminist issue I do not think that women are out there just waiting to accuse men of rape. If you are concerned make sure you have dates in public places and do not rush into sex
Could this be a way for you to avoid relationships with women? Do u have a trusted therapist u can speak with about this? I am no expert but I am betting there is something in your childhood that is causing your fears.
So here's my own experience. Prior to recovering from abuse I was surrounded by abusive people in my life. I was very co-dependent in relationships so I managed to marry a addict and work hard giving giving giving into friendships with little return. Once I went through recovery I was able to establish boundaries with the friends (funny enough most of my friends abandoned me at that point) and in time I got to a place where I could meet people (usually recovery people like myself, they are the best people) and establish new friendships that were more even. I have some of the most treasured friendships now and am so thankful for these people. They showed me what true friendship looks like. The boundaries helped me to feel safe.
They therefore don't need to bully to feel okay.
Mainstream feminism doesn't spend a whole lot of time telling off the radfems for a rather simple reason: the wingnuts are not accepted by most feminists.
If you think this means the radfems are accepted by the more mainstream factions, you'd be mistaken.
They aren't.
The silence actually means that they are so totally ignored mainstream feminists don't even listen to what they are saying.
If you're selectively reading for articles about radfems, you're getting the wingnut digest of feminism.
Radfems come off as intolerant, impractical, hateful, bigoted, and not interested in improving actual, real-world gender relations.
In other words...useless ideologues.
...what I want to know is...why do you seek out articles about these nutty radfems and/ or paranoid women like the one in the article, who have very little influence on much of anything, when the articles clearly trigger the heck out of you?
I mean, I suspect it's making you worse, and that's a bad thing.
I mean, you have a perfect right to hate the women who hurt you. You have the right to hate ALL women if that's what it takes for you to live, though I'm not sure that's a great idea.
You have a right to be mad as hell, alright?
Be angry. You have been treated unjustly. You did not deserve that.
Who do you NEED to be angry at to be ok right now?
No judgment implied.
I grew up being abused by most of the girls/women around me in my life (including my own mother). The abuse has even continued well into my adult years. Unfortunately treatment/therapy/etc isn't available to me for a variety of reasons that I've discussed in detail before. If you're feeling up to reading about how bad and messed up my situation (or the abuse) is you're free to check my previous post history.
@Bluedragon:
It's hard to NOT wade through so many blogs/articles/studies/etc about the man-hating radfems when those are most of what turns up when searching for support/services/etc for abused men. Even when you do find sites discussing help for abused men they typically discuss the actions of the radfems and/or laws they have gotten passed and use to abuse me.
It also hurts to hear that apparently that doesn't matter to the mainstream feminists who are supposedly against genders abusing/oppressing each other.
I was obsessed with earning as much as I possibly could about the type of abuse I experienced as a child when I had my nervous breakthrough. I see that with everyone I know who finally is able to process what happened in childhood.
I'm sorry you aren't able to find support and help. You are not alone in that regard though. Even if help was availabe, you might find the therapist to be a wrong fit for you. Don't let that hold you back. You can get angry about it - because it isn't fair - but don't think you can't get better without that. You can.
Keep sharing and keep learning. I think you will come to realize there are women who don't abuse.
Unfortunately, after a little while of being friends with her other girls started to become increasingly hostile towards me (albeit not in front of her as far as I know). They would confront me with various accusations of how I must be after something if someone like me was hanging out a girl like her. They would even accuse mevof being a creep and things like that to try to shame me and make it sound like I was a horrible person for daring to socialize with any girl.
I don't know if any of those girls were saying anything to the girl I was friends with, but after knowing her for only about a year (including a summer vacation where she would call me up just to chat) she moved away. When she did she said goodbye, but seemed sad about it and I remember getting the feeling that she seemed bothered by something she didn't want to mention (may or may not have been related to what the other girls were saying about me). After that though I didn't see or hear from her anymore.
Even if I do eventually meet another woman who isn't abusive/manipulative/hostile towards me and was able to get to know her as friends (or eventually more than that) I worry about her being put off by the issues I have now in life.
I'm roughly 30 now and I get the impression that most women would be put off by a guy my age who has so much baggage and is overwhelmed by any form of physical contact with a woman more intimate than holding hands (even that's pushing it a little for my comfort levels).
@ SleepyWalrus sorry you were abused and had so many bad experiences.
I have a lot of trouble being close to people for my own reasons. PTSD is hard to deal with and it seems not well accepted by people without it. But there has to be some understanding people out there.
Especially when I'm already ostracized and looked at as "creepy" (particularly by girls/women in my experience) for being quiet/introverted.
Just the other week when I was getting my things together to leave a club meeting on campus one of women in the club started getting bothered/creeped-out when they noticed me while I was standing there stuck in another period of dissociation. Rather than risk making a scene or causing things to become anymore stressful by trying to explain my situation to a woman who seemed to be a bit agitated with me at that point I just finished grabbing my stuff and left.
If I must be an impersonal, plural pronoun in your eyes, color me gone while I respect myself enough to protect myself from hurtful stereotypes.
Sorry you were hurt by specific individuals. Should I be sorry I cannot take responsibility for their actions?
Validation of what I've gone through doesn't make me feel much better since it also justifies/validates many of the fears that have arisen from my traumas. And even with meaningful support I still have to go about each day facing the same abuse/hostilities I did before. Support doesn't exactly ease any of that pain or frustration when the support is so dwarfed compared to all that. After all, if you have 1 person telling you one thing and 50 people telling you the opposite thing it becomes difficult to block out the negatives and listen only to that 1 person telling you that you're okay.
I would like to get to a point where I can see/believe that there are many more women (than just a few hard to find ones scattered around the world) who wouldn't abuse/manipulate me, falsely-accuse me of offences out of spite, or even just look at me like I'm a creep for being quiet/introverted or having the trauma issues I have. I would also like to eventually be able to feel safe getting to know women in person and not feel terrified that the tiniest mistake on my part will result in them doing something to hurt me.
Unfortunately, even with a group on DS for people like me who have suffered injustices and false accusations there is still a severe lack of people here who understand what going through that type of experience (let alone repeatedly) is like, to be able to get adequate emotional support for it. Very few people seem to understand how bad those feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, pain and betrayal (by seemingly the whole world) are.
Just look at the responses that have been posted each of the times I have started a discussion about this sort of issue. Many people brush it aside or dismiss it as being a purely political issue or as being too broad a subject to even consider discussing. A few people here on DS even responded to some of those discussions with a bit of hostility.
Even in this discussion there is a user who has responded a couple of times, but each time it was only to defend the actions of the people I've been abused by or to say things about how I must have deserved the abuse, as though it were wrong for me to be upset and complain about any of the abuse.
Can you understand that your own stance is alienating some of the people who could be a support to you? It is not that all women are hostile to all men. Even those of us who have been horribly and unforgivably abused by men can say that not all men are like that and can have compassion for our male friends on DS who have also suffered. But what you write sounds like a very blanket statement about all women except for "a very few scattered around the world." It does not show compassion or acknowledgement for the suffering of others.
I hope you can see that I am not trying to attack you. I am trying to point out the way in which your way of expressing yourself feels like an attack on those of us who have already been viciously attacked - or we wouldn't be here on PTSD, would we? So without attacking you, I ask you to look at how your words and position might be received in the hearts of the very badly wounded people you are addressing here.
However, I never said anything to any of them about it either. I took into consideration things like: maybe she's just talking out of hurt and doesn't mean what she said; or may she doesn't realize the broadness of her statement and how hurtful it was to male group members.
I base my statements on personal experience. As I've said before, maybe there is just an extremely abnormally high concentration of abusive girls/women where I live and most other places in the world aren't like this.
Do you honestly expect someone whose only experience with women for several decades has been that about 98% of them were abusive and/manipulative to be able to abruptly invalidate and forget all those experiences without having experienced anything different to tell them otherwise?
It's even harder to do something like that when I'm attacked for sharing my experience and told it's wrong to feel hurt by so many experiences/encounters. Even more so when I see nobody bat an eyelash when women make similar blanket statements about men in these support groups.
I can't help it if so many of the girls/women I have met or encountered in my life have been abusive.
Why do you act as though that means I shouldn't be able to get support?
In what way does it seem like reacting that way would counteract or disprove the perception I have on the subject?