Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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tips/ advice.. need help

butterfly000
butterfly000
I was wondering if anyone else has this issue.. Lately I have been having issues with hugs kisses.. from family.. I just dont want to be hugged.. I was never like this before, but for the last few months I find it really hard to do... and when I do it triggers the past... Even though these family members where not the ones that abused me..

My family is really big with having to give a hug and a kiss when you arrive and when you leave... just in case you never see the person again.. but I am struggling with it and it really triggers me.. so I try and forget.. but they always remind you and make you feel guilty after the fact... I just dont know how to even tell them that I might not give them a hug as it is triggering to me... I still dont even know how to tell them about PTSD I have had it for a long time... but I have hidden everything from everyone... and now Its at its worse.. and I am getting help for it..but of course that brings up more stuff and causes more issues at first before it gets better.. or that is what I am told...
So I know I have to tell my family I have PTSD to help them understand somethings about how I act sometimes... and what they do or say that triggers me and have that understanding...
But when i go to tell them I just want to say I have PTSD and explain what it stands for and thats it.. I dont want to have to explain how I got it... or what they have to know.. To me if they really cared to know and they didnt they could look it up... I just dont know how to explain it and part of it is not being ready to talk about it... but I know that in order to not be triggered by things they can control or them know I might get upset about something and I am really mad and they would understand its part of my PTSD and not to take it personal... but I just dont know how to expect it from them or tell them what I need... I have always been bad at this... I never cared about me, only others so anything that upset me I just kept to myself... I just grew up that way I was a nothing and I really believed it.. so I have no idea how to express what I need...

Any tips... advice??
arfie
arfie
Yes, I struggle with this horribly. When my aversion to touch is triggered, I am rarely rational enough to explain anything. Add in my combat training and I can be downright dangerous.

I use aversion manuevers. Fortunately, my combat training stocked my tool box with a solid repertoire of those. They begin with awareness of my own emotional state. Mindfulness exercises and meditations were my own first step down that road. The internet is chock full of those.

Gentle validation while you discover what works for you, butterfly.
jewells1
jewells1
rfie just posred this thread, interesting, and yes it's common. Look for other tips to be added on this as the day prgresses
jewells1
jewells1
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder/forum/18874969-insulated-hug
anneccleaver
anneccleaver
pushing people away is a type of safety net and really it is not a good survival skill because you need to choose your battles wisely especially in these hard times. If you are feeling more paranoid than usualy lately that might be a part of your issues and need to change meds or do different coping mechanisms.
LeoX3
LeoX3
Butterfly, I have the same issue with "I have PTSD and I don't care to tell how I got it, but please don't hug me!" Just ran into this a few days ago.... ugh...

I grew up feeling very similar to what you discussed.

I found that telling my own mom (who lives with me) was hard enough.

I was shaking so bad I had a panic attack and hit th floor.

Then I said, "Mom, I have PTSD, you don't need to know all the reasons I have it, but it's bad," and that seemed to work. She still has no idea of all that lies under the PTSD, and I hope she never will. No one should have this in their heads.

My advice? If you want, you should try to contact them without being in person first. It takes the fear of their immediate presence away. E-mail is best for me; phone is harder, they can interrupt. And including a link to some relevant website about triggers, aversions, etc., might help too. Granted, my uncle may not now visit me next month---but he sure knows why I am twitchy about people in my home!

They will have quesitons and the best way to protect yourself is to just say, "Look, the part you need to know is that I really can't cope with XYZ," and then leave it at that. If they push, walk away and say, T"aht's a trigger."
Make a point of telling them you're in treatment, but that it's between you and your treatment team.

I also find that if I warn Hubby or Mom (my house-mates) that "This is my PTSD acting up, I ust need to let it out," that also helps.

Wish I could help more.

NOt wanting to be touched is big for a lot of us.
Gentle healing to you,
Leo
butterfly000
butterfly000
Thank you everyone, I feel less alone and have some ideas now on how to deal with this. Thank you so much for your support!
Hugs
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