the gem from my own personal experience is that mid month is my most tenuous bill paying ritual. i do my bills twice a month my first of the of the month budget is fairly fixed with the big ticket items like rent and car payments. the mid month budget is where i figure out how to do the nickel and dime demands like groceries, car repairs, askidentals (where i'm just hoping), etc. at this moment in herstory, my budget is generous, but i remember the days of collector phone calls all to well and brace for them every mid month.

did i say, "nickel and dime?" i can't remember the last time i got out of a grocery store for less than a hundred dollars. car doctors haven't worked for nickels and dimes in **my** senior lifetime.

but that is me. . .

steadying support while you figure out your own.
hoping with you for some restorative rest tonight.
just hoping. . .

I haven't had anything like this and am sorry that you're going through it..... I wanted to welcome you.... This is a good place to come.... Big hug... xo

Wow, Mel_66, for me it's the usual PTSD anniversary trouble, but from your description I can see how it could happen monthly too, as it is for you. Glad you've got your doc's support ongoing for each of these monthly cycles. Sending you support for the next two nights until you're out of this one again.

There was a time for about 19-20 years the week leading into September 11th and about a week after I would have horrible flashbacks, nightmares, and dissociate to that time. In therapy I learned I had severe survivors guilt in that I didng do enough to help people that day (I was a responder and instead of finding survivors I only found body parts) so my brain literally in that timeframe everysay catapulted me backwards to September 11th 2001 and I relived the nightmare everyday for those 2 weeks every year. Literally could not tell the difference thats how real it felt. I could hear the sirens, the screaming, the chaos. Smell the debris and everything associated with it. It was horrible. Then in 2020 on my birthday I was almost killed and that same disassociation happened for months. In therapy I did this thing called brainspotting which I gotta say is incredible. This past year, the 20th anniversary of the attacks, I had like a minor 5min panic attack like "Holy shit its here this is when it began" at 746am my time, 846am NYC time. And that was it. The rest of the day was smooth sailing. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. When I got home I went to read some things on the anniversary which I was certain would trigger me. Nothing happened. Whatever that did, it cured me. I can now talk about it,read about it, anything really without it triggering me.

Strongly suggest brainspotting. 10/10 review

I cycle seasonally. Summer is my hell-zone.

Sending big puma support. :-)

GuyfromNY, I would love to hear more about brainspotting. If you have any articles or info you could share that would be great!

Thank all of you for your support. I am feeling better now that some time has passed. I am really glad that I found this group, it has been very helpful hearing your stories and knowing that I am not alone in my experiences.

Glad you're feeling better now, Mel_66. That's what we're here for, my friend. We're here for you in every cycle, too, you can count on us because we do get it.