TRIGGER WARNING

Raised in a war zone as a missionary kid often left alone by dad with mom & little sister in the house with combat in our neighborhood, from the age of 9 to 15 I had to be the "man of the house" and live by "boys don't cry."

Then when the war gave my dad untreated PTSD and he began erupting weekly in violence whenever he was home, I'd take a punch to the face without crying or striking back. I'd just go numb.

Lastly, when a military patrol in my neighborhood mistook me for an enemy combatant because I was 15 years old later on and tortured me until I convinced them I was a US citizen, I wet my pants but still did not cry.

With all of that repressed emotion holding back from crying, it took all of those 15 years I mentioned above before I opened up to my therapist. But when I did in year 12 of PTSD therapy, like I said the next 3 years opened me up enough so that I could come here and share and receive support.

It helped that my therapist was a VA doc so he could treat my PTSD from missionary service abroad like PTSD from military service since it involved 6 years in an active combat zone. My previous therapists weren't VA nor were they specialists in PTSD, and that seemed to make a big difference.

If I could learn to open up, and eventually even to cry and feel safe grieving with my therapist, I hope you can, too, laura13. It took me a long time, but when it happened it was a real blessing for me.

I think you should ask your therapist, in e-mail perhaps, what they'd say? I certainly can't guess, but you can ask, and get some assurances that you won't be "negated"... That's all I can suggest. Support.

Yeah, laura13, what Leo said. You can ask.

I think the therapist is telling you not to show your true emotions to people. I disagree with that, you should always show your true emotions and always be honest with people. If you do not show your feelings people will not be able to help you.

im not ok