This sounds like a very painful experience and I am so sorry you are feeling bad about it.

My therapist has also asked me if I am ready to start putting this behind me. I think sometimes they have to ask us because we have gotten so good at covering up pain, that they do not really know if we are ready to move ahead or not. I think they have to ask in order to find out. Or at least this is my case.

I think she is right, you will know when it is the right time. Look at it as she was just checking in to see if you were ready, nothing more nothing less. You said no because it did not feel right at this time to go down that road. You will know when it is time to explore that road and you will have a great deal of support from DS when you do.

Our mind likes to fill in the blanks for us and write the story in between the lines. For example if someone does not answer my message, I immediately think they don't like me. My mind will tell me that is why they have not answered me back. They are sick of all baggage, they are tired of me talking about my problems all the time etc etc. Reality is that they were out grocery shopping for the afternoon. There is no plot, there is not I don't like you. My mind fills that in for me. Not saying this is what is happening to you, but sleep on it tonight and look at the facts tomorrow. Ask yourself if you were the therapist how would you know if someone was ready to go down that scary road? You would likely have to ask as well.

Look after yourself right now. Do something nice for you.

I can see how the question would upset you when you just found out something so fundamental as your stepfather/real father's true identity and how it relates to your abuse. It would take anyone a while to wrap their head around that one.

On the other hand, I like the approach CC suggests, just looking at the therapist's question as a check-in and not a challenge. A check-in to which you can say "no" and feel fine, as opposed to a challenge in which saying "no" would be disappointing your therapist as an authority figure. I had the temptation to view my therapist as an authority figure I tried to please because I'd been raised in parental abuse, and that's how I survived. Over time, though, I learned my therapist wasn't playing that role with me, which was a major breakthrough in trust for the first time with me. So I could say "no" freely and not feel like I would suffer consequences after that.

I agree with CC--time to be nice to yourself. After all, you answered with an honest "no" and that took integrity and courage. Good for you.

I agree with the others here and would like to add that this situation also sounds like a trigger for you. Although triggers are usually uncomfortable they do afford us the opportunity to heal when they appear. In this situation my first thought was "Who pushed you as a child? Who brushed you off as a child?". Did someone push you to move faster? Get better grades? Push you aside as if you didn't matter?..etc. If so, then try to get out your feelings about those past situations. If you are angry, get mad - punch a pillow, scream and yell. If you are sad or hurt - cry. If you like to journal then write about the experience and let the emotions flow through your pen. The important thing is to let the feelings out. The more feelings you release the less often this will be a trigger for you.

I hope that your therapist can see that her comment upset you and is ready to help you work through it.

Take care

She does not know what she's doing, I don't think.

When you go back, ask her if she's treated people dealing with recovered abuse memories before.

When this stuff comes up, it takes a good amount of time to get back up and be able to function, much less be done processing it.

When you're done processing it, you kind of just get to the point of " what, this crap, AGAIN???"

You go through all five phases of mourning in no particular order:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kbler-Ross_model

...and then you get bored. It just becomes something that happened.
When you get to THAT, you really are ready to put it behind you.

...plus I dealt with it in my 20's, then started getting more back at 39... And have figured out that I have other personalities who hold the bulk of the memories...And that means I STILL have a lot of undiscovered bad stuff in my head...

I don't think that I will ever totally put it behind me. I can have a good life, but it's just going to come up at times.
*Shrug*.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kbler-Ross_model
Repast ing link...

She might just have been just asking, but I would not expect you to be ready to put the stuff aside for many months.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617

I am sorry you are having those issues with your therapist. I don't think there is even such a thing as letting it go and putting it behind you. I don't even know what she meant by that. Like, does she think you should never be affected by this again? That makes no sense to me.

I agree with the others she doesn't know what she is doing.

I would feel brushed off as well cj.... just make sure that she knows that you are hurting, as just finding out about your father being your *real* father when you thought he adopted you. That would put me into quite a tailspin as I am adopted, and if I found out my dad was *real* dad well I won't even go there on your post here.

Just know we all got your back here. You can always come to vent here. Maybe she was asking to see exactly maybe where you are at with it?? If that is the case, then be honest with her letting her know exactly where you think you feel that you are in your therapy...

Maybe I am missing something, but it seems like a fair question to me. "No." seems like a fair answer.

A part of my own PTSD is the trust to take questions at face value. In my own sexual abuse herstory, all too many questions were designed to lead me to places where I would be hurt. Learning to take questions at face value is still

Sorry 'bout that, cj. Eldest Son came in to talk to me while I was typing. Clicked the wrong icon. *******sigh********** Some days multi-tasking works better than others.

Gentle support while you sort. It is allot to process.