Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Is it too early to start a thread on sharing ideas to deal with the holidays? I've read here that others, like me, were actually abused at Christmas. The holiday itself, then, can be something to struggle with. Also, I'm really, really grateful to be able to work as a teacher again. However, every December when a semester ends I go from being fruitfully busy grading and turning in reports to suddenly having no schedule at all.
That, too, is an adjustment. As much as I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I, like the rest of us, need a balanced level of "good" stress in my life. So I don't mean to sound foolish, but I miss it when school's out.
That, added to the fact that I, thankfully, am no longer in touch with family during the holidays to avoid being abused, means I don't have enough to distract me from certain ghosts coming to haunt me at Christmas. It's par the for course, I know, but does anyone have ideas to share on this?
I know I'm not the only one. I've already planned a couple of short trips, one over Dec 25th and one over Jan 1st. Now it's the rest of those days I'm thinking about. Ideas welcome!
That, too, is an adjustment. As much as I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I, like the rest of us, need a balanced level of "good" stress in my life. So I don't mean to sound foolish, but I miss it when school's out.
That, added to the fact that I, thankfully, am no longer in touch with family during the holidays to avoid being abused, means I don't have enough to distract me from certain ghosts coming to haunt me at Christmas. It's par the for course, I know, but does anyone have ideas to share on this?
I know I'm not the only one. I've already planned a couple of short trips, one over Dec 25th and one over Jan 1st. Now it's the rest of those days I'm thinking about. Ideas welcome!
I too always feel a little sadness at Christmas. I am relieved not to have an ugly holiday but as much as I do to make it an enjoyable holiday, every year, part of me still feels a little sadness that I dont have a sweet family to spend it with.
A bunch of friends and myself have an "Orphan Christmas". Each person is estranged or separated from their family.
Do you have any friends that are in town to make plans with during the break?
Do you like plays? A lot of cities have holiday productions that can be fun. And as corny as it sounds, do you ever feed the birds?? They always look happy to me when they are rushing around, chomping food. It always makes me smile.
Hugs,
Violet
51%, you have some good ideas for the holidays. I remember I signed up to be part of an elderly services program.Havent done it for a couple of months. I seriously don't know what I will do this Christmas. thanks for the suggestions.
It's feast or famine - or at least feels like it some times. Maybe for the vacation days you will be at home you can brainstorm a list of light weight things you might enjoy that will get you out around (anonymous) others for an hour of two a day.
Am not sure what rocks your boat, but with out going near a mall, you could go to museums, take walks, visit music stores, try new foods, even store up on DVDs from local library etc.
When I was teaching fulltime, it was so similar to community service work that I didn't lean that way during breaks. I wanted stuff where I WAS NOT IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING, or responsible for anyone else.
Being of whimpy constitution these days, I have come to terms with sometimes just sublimating: experiencing feelings via use of electronic media,helps me to feel connected even when I'm home in my burrow.
Wish you and all here the best holiday season we can reinvent for ourselves.
Letitbe
51%, with my being a survivor of combat, I absolutely should look into doing some service to veterans, whether in this season or beyond. I would love that. I was so sorry to hear from you that, along with the feelings that come naturally with the anniversary of your mother's death, there was not "mother killer" thing. Knowing how nice you are here on this site, that must be painful. Glad to know the deer and the squirrels accompany you as you give them treats on this day. Like something from an old Disney animated movie!
Violet, bless you for writing "As likable as you are here online, I'm sure you are well liked by staff and students." I'm having the sentence bronzed and placed over my living room sofa. Very nice of you. As for the "orphan Christmas," I had an "orphan Thanksgiving" with friends who have no family, like me. I'm going to go solo for Christmas, but I'm going to spend it in a nearby city, go to a cathedral for midnight mass, take in museums, and I have a list of really good movies to go to along the lines of what you suggest about plays. In the past I've gone to NYC and seen Broadway plays on my own, and even did the Dick Clark Times Square New Year's Eve once on my own with 20,000 other friends--something my slowly increasing agoraphobia rules out now. But I'll check back in and let you know the big city fun I do have, and thanks.
Letitbe, as a teacher, too, you know the feast and famine experience of ending school before the holidays. I'm so grateful to be teaching again, and I'll miss it these days for all the right reasons. Because of what you said, I looked forward to March 2013 and made plans for Spring Break, too, to take a train trip. I'll keep working on my agoraphobia so I can do things like that and fill in the void when school is out.
Thanks, everybody. I hope everyone else gets as much support for a happy holiday as I've already gotten in just one day. Blessings.
Hats off to you Muji, you dont survivie the holidays, you kick ass and enjoy! Very inspiring.
Hence I look forward to my Christmas plans alone. Thanks, Violet, for seconding those!
51%, your story with the fat squirrel was precious. You got me to feeling like a big old kid, too. Thanks.
You also get to meet people who have it far worse than you could ever imagine and see what an inspiration they can be, while having nothing, they are still kind and not bitter.
Good luck over the next few weeks Muji.
There are many children who will also be alone this holiday. Some literally alone and some in dangerous homes with violence and sex abuse. They (as I once did) feel very much alone. I would like to encourage anyone who reads this and listens to the song to consider speaking out publicly about child sex abuse as a Christmas present to the children alone in this. Our cultures, as openly sexual as they are, hold a 'don't talk about child sex abuse' rule that very much enables pedophiles. It you have a Facebook, twitter, myspace account or any other online social group. Please openly object to this abuse. You don't have to admit to being victimized yourself to do this, just object publicly.
One of the lines in the lyrics says:
All God's children need is love
And us to hold their little hands
I'm sure they need advocates to speak for them too.
God, churches and the religious communities do not speak out about child sex abuse. They need advocates.
God bless the child who suffers - Shania Twain
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
God bless the child who suffers
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
God bless the young without mothers
This child is homeless,
That child's on crack
One plays with a gun,
while the other takes a bullet in his back
This boy's a beggar,
That girl sells her soul
They both work the same street,
The same hell hole
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
God bless the child who suffers
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Let every man help his brother
Some are born addicted and some are just thrown away
Some have daddies who make them play games they don't want to play
But with hope and faith
We must understand
All God's children need is love
And us to hold their little hands
This boy is hungry, he ain't got enough to eat
That girl's cold and she ain't got no shoes on her feet
When a child's spirit's broken
And feels all hope is gone
God help them find the strength to carry on
But with hope and faith
Yea, we can understand
All God's children need is love
And us to hold their little hands
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Let us all love one another
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Make all our hearts bilnd to color
Hallelujah, hallelujah
God bless the child who suffers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou4ShXWSdss
Speaking of holidays, we had our Christmas party at work today. I'm not great at those, a little agoraphobic. My boss was really nice and gave me a little token of appreciation. By the same token, though, a retired worker showed up who is not welcome in my life. As luck would have it, he's a retired federal agent who taught at my school for a few years before I started last year. He's also the only employee who is close friends with my abusers, my family of origin.
Though I'm 54 years old now, it got to me. I was hired a year ago after having to break off relations with family for the 2nd time due to being hit by my dear old dad on Christmas Day 2010, the last in a long line of Christmases he ruined with his abuse and violence.
This co-worker at my new school took it upon himself to let me know he was sharing my business at work with my family. I had to let my supervisor and human resources know that I wanted him to stop trying to pass messages to me from my toxic family members in phone calls disguised as being work related that, when listened to, were not.
This is an individual who wanted to get very deep into my personal family business--or, actually, my desire not to have personal family business any more. I'm very glad I got support here for drawing a boundary there with my boss and going on record about it with HR, and he quit that stuff.
Seeing him at the Christmas party at work, though, sent an unexpected tremor through me. What he did is creepy to me. It brings about bad holiday memories of Christmas with my family, the latest being Christmas 2010. I'm glad I'm spending Christmas 2012 alone instead of with my toxic family, and that I've made good plans for myself.
But I have to admit, being around this guy at a work Christmas party shook me up a little today. My internal gyroscope went a little wobbly, off balance. Seeing him triggered some PTSD flashbacks for me I had to contend with while socializing with others at the party and trying to chit chat with coworkers afterwards.
Anybody else seeing people/places this season that cause flashbacks like that? It's like the earlier post by a friend here about having to go to school plays and so forth during the season. Anyway, be well, everybody. I'm glad I could come here and talk it out. If something triggers you like this, believe me, I'll know how you feel. Blessings.
If you feel the weight of pressure of expected need to be "happy" on a holiday, maybe try an opposite approach:
1. Set your alarm clock nice and early,
2. then be determined to be miserable because you have failed to meet happiness criteria.
3.Keep a log, making entries every half hour about your state of mind.
4.See how long it takes you to get bored w/ doing this, because misery is real BORING.
5.When you are sick of being bored let go of the whole happiness/misery dichotomy and just have an ordinary day.
Now this is suggested 2/3rds tongue in cheek, but we are buying into the expectation and perpetuating it. Perhaps a title counter-terrorism is called for.