I just want to say thank you for all the support so far . All the kind words or even just hello's have truly made an impact in my life . I remember feeling drowned by negativity and pain, feeling lost and hopeless . I remember i was about to give up, spiraling into addiction and not caring at all , not thinking it even mattered anymore if i lived or died. I remember my first time ever researching a rape support group and coming across dailystrength . I wrote my first topic in the rape support group and for the first time was very open, so miserable i just had to let it all out , all of it. I then did some searching on dailystrength and found there was a support group for Every one of my mental illnesses and my drug problem. Without all of you or this websites existence i really dont know how i would have made it or woken up a little bit. I know i have a lot of issues so this feeling im having right now of being okay is only temporary , its usually towards the night ill start feeling very depressed, paranoid and empty. Sometimes this feeling lasts for just the night, or it will stay for a few days or weeks. Sometimes im okay for days then feel the dark cloud on its way to block my sun. But its funny, even on my okay days im still not like other people , my sunny days still have a gray to them. its never clear sky's for me just partly cloudy , and then cloudy, raining , thunderstorm , flood warning. Its like i constantly have this veil over my face that changes in different tones of black and grey, hiding who i really am underneath and altering with the way i see the world. My goal is to one dayy be able to take it off for a few days at a time. Let the sun finally shine through and let the world see my smile. To feel safe and in control in a room full of people i dont know with the door closed , to not have to take opiates to achieve this and numb the emptiness i feel . I think with all of the support from you all , therapy and maybe medication i can finally take the next step to being a better me. Again thank you.