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The hardest part of healing my memory blocks has been the lack of reliable reality checks. Even undamaged human memories are notoriously unreliable.The geographic instability of my childhood makes it difficult to know where a thing might or might not have happened, much less when and who. Nostalgia is not a tradition of my birth clan. There are no extended family or friends who have witnessed much of my childhood herstory.
As my favorite shrink put it, "We do the best we can with what we have to work with."
The current "?memory?" in question is another one from beneath the quilting table. This memory set seems a bit incredulous because I would have been a toddler. I have confirmed that the quilting frame did exist and my mother's family did maintain the old quilting traditions (circa 1956). It is highly probable that I did, indeed, spend a respectable portion of my rug rat years corralled by collective of maternal legs beneath that quilting frame. But remembering conversations??? It seems a bit hard to believe.
The conversation I believe I am mulling today is about, "Store Bought Family." They are discussing what today might be called, "Elder Hospice Care."
Just sharing. Reality checks welcome.
As my favorite shrink put it, "We do the best we can with what we have to work with."
The current "?memory?" in question is another one from beneath the quilting table. This memory set seems a bit incredulous because I would have been a toddler. I have confirmed that the quilting frame did exist and my mother's family did maintain the old quilting traditions (circa 1956). It is highly probable that I did, indeed, spend a respectable portion of my rug rat years corralled by collective of maternal legs beneath that quilting frame. But remembering conversations??? It seems a bit hard to believe.
The conversation I believe I am mulling today is about, "Store Bought Family." They are discussing what today might be called, "Elder Hospice Care."
Just sharing. Reality checks welcome.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
The abuse for me was at a neighbors house, just me and him (except one time he brought in a woman to do something to me). I have never remembered conversations with him but I have remembered a word or phrase here or there that he used. They were never nice words.
I know what you mean when you say you can't rely on any family members to fill in the blanks because my family had never seen the inside of this mans house. That is until I talked to my older brother. He is 4 years older than me and while I was telling him what house it happened in he described the house (he had been in it only once) and what he described sent chills through me because he was describing what I saw in a flashback. I have never remembered the man who abused me but I'll never forget the house.
I hope you can remember a little more about the conversation because it can be so annoying to have such a small piece of the puzzle. It's such a tease.
Take care
Just a thought... hugs
I'm not sure.
I recently remembered overhearing a conversation between my dad and my grandfather. I don't remember the words, but I remember the gist...
My grandfather was shaming my dad for creating a useless girl. I remember hating myself. Dad certainly treated me as a worthless thing...It may not be accurate, but it makes a lot of sense, considering the dynamics.
Memories may not be photo accurate. But I imagine that this memory of yours makes a lot of sense?
I try to be very slow to respond to surfacing weirdities. In the early going, I am extremely vulnerable to power of suggestion, including my own suggestions born of impatience with the process. I have been sitting with this one for quite some time. I think I am ready to accept this one as an actual memory.
"Store bought family" kinda makes sense out of entrepreneurial women in the heart of 1956 corn country who made just about everything in a family setting. In their eyes, the elder care, child care and housekeeping industries might have been, "Store bought family." For sure, quite a few of them profited from the growth of those industries.