Perhaps involuntary in-patient care is needed? If he is refusing treatment ir therapy of any kind and is talking about suicide then it sounds like involuntary in-patient treatment is the best option.

How heartbreaking. How about texting, "What can I do for you? What can I give you? All you have to do is ask ..."

You have so much to give, but I think he may be braced against your gruff exterior. I'm sorry if I'm presuming ... it is my impression. I assume it is not safe for you to go to him unguarded, yet I think the only hope to reach him is to reach out from the softest most undefended part of your heart. I don't assume that it will do any good, but it's what I think you could try.

@SleepyWalrus Well you can't force someone to have treatment unless they say they are going to do it. They are allowed to talk about it.

And by it I mean commit suicide.

Thanks guys. The support is priceless. Alas...

We've tried the involuntary in-patient. Only heightened his resistance.

We are still paying dearly for the times we asked, "What can I do for you? What can I give you? All you have to do is ask ..."

You are right on target that I am fully capable of a gruff exterior, donna. Finding the poet to balance the warrior has not been a small feat for me and even now, it is a balancing more than a natural integration. I am not proud of what my PTSD warrior aspects did to him as a child. My snappy super cape gave him more than one black eye. Ah, the guilt... Mothers don't get to have illnesses... I probably shouldn't have had children, but, even now, I still can't bring myself to regret it.

child of someone who had major issues here... two someones, actually.... so just keep up the love and do not worry about gruffness, just repeat the simplest truth of you love him... softest supportive vibes,
Leo

I can't give you much advice on the situation, I think sometimes it is hard to give people help when they aren't ready to heal or accept help, like therapy. However difficult your relationship may have been with him, appreciate the fact that he reached out to you. That is a sign that he still really cares about you as his mother, and hopefully you can heal the hurts of the past eventually. Speaking as a child of a mother with issues that affected me growing up, it is a hard thing to accept our parents are human and have flaws/pasts, so he may still be working through that. I hope everything works out well for you and your family.

So sorry this is happening, for you, for him, at all. In the middle of this terrible pain about the very possible loss of him, the objective fact that sticks out to me that he's texting you. It's terrible what he's saying, that he's talking about suicide, but is it that he wants to be connected with you still, when he feels he's at the end of his rope? That possibility being the case, I'm so glad your text answered "I love you."

Arfie, I know all about the guilt and the "maybe I shouldn't have had kids" and the gruff exterior, too. But I guess you weren't all that gruff if you're paying now for asking 'what can i do for you' etc. I'm really sorry if my words hurt you.

You know, I asked my daughter's therapist once why she's so messed up when she hasn't had anywhere near the traumas I have. She told me "Inherited trauma". Well there's nothing we could have done to prevent that.

Muji is right - he has reached out to you, and you answered him the best possible way. He is blessed to have a mother who loves him, a mother he can reach out to without fear. Sending prayers and blessings your way and his.

The simple fact didn't hurt, donna. I yam what I yam and I ain't what I ain't. My warrior instincts have saved my bacon -and even a few other hams- more times than I can count. I still own steel-toed shoes and wear authentic hair color. I reckon some female dogs just never learn...

It took me all this time to realize that there was not a single f-bomb in the entire text string. I don't think he has uttered a sentence without three f-bombs in it since he discovered Dr. Dre in 1989.

"not a single f-bomb in the entire text string"

Hm. In spite of all, is there a sign there that he is he trying to communicate instead of just alienate? Here's hoping so.

No f-bomb in a whole text.... Could be a sign he's really trying to speak a truth instead of fling the pain....

I will hope for best, and send many soft vibes your way.

The no f=bomb thing...Maybe he is not as resistant now? Seeing that the f-bombe are not getting him any help?
Hope is all I can contribute there.
Hugs arfie, I know that children of PTSD parents have their own reactive,depressive states some just as bad as the parents. My daughter is still one I am careful of.