My therapist and I used the term "gaslighting" a lot. As you know, it's not a strictly clinical term, of course. It goes back to a play and two film adaptations of the play in the 1940s. From Wikipedia:

"Gaslight as expression
The psychological term gaslighting, which describes a form of psychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting his or her own reality, originated from the play and its two film adaptations.[10] Gaslighting, today, mostly refers to one of the methods of abuse often used to emotionally manipulate others, by undermining their confidence and calling their credibility into question."

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/discussion/still-testing-gaslighting

My therapist and I came to conclude that parents' bad choices to run to war zones to be missionaries was explained by their having had untreated mental illnesses.
For him it was probably bipolar disorder for her probably borderline personality disorder. Plus, they had abusive families they themselves escaped from my leaving the USA for overseas service.

It was where they went for overseas service that helped us understand them best--always war zones, always chaos. Then once there they gaslighted themselves, not just others.
They are very lucky the government of the last country they went to got fed up with them and deported them for alleged fraud when they got mixed up with a local politician. Getting deported by that government embarrassed them, and they never admitted guilt, just claimed persecution--another gaslighting. But it probably saved their lives.

As for me, when I came back to the USA to go to college my mission was to un-gaslight myself. I did that by winning a Fulbright Scholarship to go back to the mission field where I'd been raised. There I did exposure therapy returning to scenes of my trauma, like the car bombing when I was 9 that I mention here now a lot. I interviewed leaders of the civil war there, too, so I could get at the real truth.

Then I was lucky that a major USA-UK academic press published my book as an important history book about a small country. It got me tenure at a university, but what was more important to me was that it set the historical record straight.

I have a sister who fought my un-gaslighting project every step of the way, siding with my parents for money. She eventually did succeed in getting my half of the inheritance. That was her goal as she stated it to me to my face when my un-gaslighting project came to a head.

In a showdown in 2010, my elderly father feebly punched me in the face trying to shut me up. He had punched me in the face as a kid on the mission field many times, but pushing age 80 he didn't pack much of a punch any more.

But the symbolism of that punch to the face was what was more powerful. It meant he would never, ever stop gaslighting. I realized he'd rather die that give it up; after all, he'd risked his life and that of us in his family many times in moving us to those war zones. So he wasn't kidding. He chose gaslighting over the truth of knowing me any more.

So that was the end of my relationship to my family of origin. I lost them but I gained a family here at DS PTSD, because soon afterward was when I joined up. My sister got the money she wanted, my half of the inheritance. It wasn't a lot, just a suburban house, but she always did believe in money as a substitute for people since she grew up trusting no one, not even herself. It's sad, really.

From then on, historians in that country I grew up in have confirmed an validated the historical timeline I set up in my book. It's a gift for my own PTSD recovery beyond my wildest dreams. I'm un-gaslighted just about every day when I read the newspapers there online. I mourn the family I never had due to gaslighting, but I'm so grateful to have the truth set me free, even if it came at a price.

Yea, Muji, you and I remember all the same Presidents and slang sets by which they got elected. Thank you for assuring me that my damaged memory is not too far down the proverbial rabbit hole again.

For what it's worth:
OCD etymologist that I am, of course I worked the etymology before I could embrace ANY of the theories which used the metaphor. The etymology lead me to pre-electricity vaudeville theater which ran on literal gaslights and segwayed with necessary ease to silent films. Hollywood tech departments couldn't get rid of the literal gaslighting fast enough but it still took a decade or three to develop more stable lighting options.

The strictly personal memories under review cover quite a few therapy breakthroughs which I am still using effectively decades later. Alas, I have not healed far enough for sustainable trust to come either easy or natural to me, not even in my strictly personal herstory. That memory damage resulted in some truly horrific psychotic breaks in that strictly personal herstory. Insert Red Hot Chili Peppers here. "I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day."

Hey, arfie, I didn't know about the pre-Broadway pre-Hollywood literal history behind the "gas light" that lit Vaudeville theaters back in the day. I just knew about the play and films. That's fascinating to me!

I know what you mean about sustainable trust in healing. Peer support here is key to my sustaining mine. I think maybe that's peer support's main function--could it be, maybe?

Yeah, "I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day," counts for a few days in my past, too, that I'm glad I don't revisit alone any more. If I have to go back to them, I'm glad I have a group here willing to go with me. There's safety in numbers for us somehow.

I think gaslighting is still a term. I thought it was one of the more creative I have heard lol. I love actual gas lights muji.

My sister is a master at it. Well, she was until I learned how to not deal with it. Trust is tough for me also.

With the proviso that you don't want to keep your mind so open that your brain falls out, the Alanon cliche I like for the "safety in numbers" principle is, "My head is not a safe neighborhood to travel alone. Take a friend, whenever possible."

I do not believe that *we* are the only ones who find safety in numbers. Whether you go with the science logic of homo sapiens as a gregarious species, the Biblical logic of God commanding us to love one another or one of the many manys down the same line, it really does take a village to live a healthy life. Humans are hard-wired to need other humans as surely as a bird needs its flock.

Yea, I can't watch the pre-1940's films all the way through in a single sitting. The unstable lighting gives me motion sickness. Lighting is a BIG subject in Arf World.

I love it whenever you refer to Alanon, arfie, because as you know Alanon was my very first support group years ago. In Spanish, no less, down in Uruguay. I owe everything I know about peer support to that foundation. What great books I got from my time there, too, like "Courage to Change." Really good stuff, really wise people.

I didn't know that line you mention here, though: "'My head is not a safe neighborhood to travel alone. Take a friend, whenever possible.'" It definitely speaks for me and my war child memories.

I've spoken here before about when my therapist got me to the point of going back to Uruguay to do my exposure therapy there. To overcome some fearful memories of the war, I took my old college roommate with me. He's the one who took my photo standing under the corner street sign of the spot where that car bombing I survived at age 9 took place.

Because of that moment's success, I mention that carbombing at age 9 here every chance I get. My therapist told me repetition brings mastery. So like a muscle gets strengthening with repetition exercises, I get empowered over my fear from that trauma every time I bring it up.

I've mentioned here that it took me 12 years of therapy to get to that day my buddy took that photo, though. And I didn't go alone.

Interesting post/replies. I have been dealing with flashbacks of gas lighting by my baby sister and her husband for several days now. Worst was done the night before my mother's funeral and the dinner before my wedding. Still a work in progress for resolving those. Thanks to everyone who participated in this thread. Hugs to all.