It is understandable wanting to keep tabs in some ways, because the whole danger of it was so out of left field, it could in some sense feel safer to know what someone is up to.

But I think the bad part of it could be that the curiosity would continue and keep you energetically in connection with a person whom you most likely wish there had never been a connection with (or atleast wish it had never been violent).

Staying connected to an abusive person is draining. I think I'd try to focus on other things.

yes, it is a very bad idea (in my opinion), and speaking for myself, would invite a doozie of a trigger.

It will only create triggering and revenge fantasies, neither of which will be any good for you. I had to learn that the hard way and at the insistence of my therapists.

My therapist was really right, it became easier to heal after I disconnected from that whole way of thinking.

If you feel so insecure about it, it's definitely a bad idea. I'd think (1) What would that accomplish? What would I want to do next after I find that perpetrator (2) What's what draws me to want to do this? Is it coming from a place of healing or from fear, trauma or other not-so-healthy places?

This is something that if you're receiving therapy or counseling can be discussed. Also remember, only on TV something good comes from doing this kind of thing. The reality is that it takes a lot from us to heal and deal with trauma.

I believe it is impossible to know all the possible outcomes. Sometimes ya just gotta follow a hunch.

But I congratulate your awareness that the urge is coming from a very sick place. Proceed slowly, if at all.

I kind agree with reply #5....

I would really explore the reason as to why i want to do this.....Did you ever get justice??

Your desire to look him up may not even be a bad thing but i would try to understand the reason behind it.

My therapist a very good doc told me revenge fantasies are good as long as they stay a fantasy...2 very good thrapists have told me that...One said it even prevents people from actually acting up on violence....

One tharapist would even help me makes some up.....I never acted on them and it was helpful to a certain point.

I agree with the other comments, you should not look him up. It could just spike bad memories in you. He isn't worth your time.

Thanks for the confirmation that I should not look him up.

I know no good would come of it.

I was surprised to see in the responses so many references to revenge fantasies, because I've never actually had any.

I did not get justice for the rape, I would have lost my job for the mere reporting of it.

So nobody knows firsthand about it except him, and me.

And sometimes I feel like...am I sure it happened? And I think that's why I think of looking him up. To prove to myself he exists, and it happened.

Because just like my childhood traumas, the rape just got swept under the rug, and I have these thoughts, like maybe nothing ever happened to me and I'm just crazy, because how could all that horrible stuff happen to me? To anyone?

It's like my mind is trying to convince me none of it happened and I feel like I have to prove to myself that it did or something.

I don't know how to explain it...

To your last comment, I also try to think that nothing happened and maybe I'm just crazy. Because really how can all of these horrible things happen to us? This world is so horrible it's so hard to believe. Yet we know that it happened and it's impossible to deal with.

as a rape survivor myself please dont do it , listen to others,,,, If you cant get his ass in prison or go a legal route please dont take matters into your own hands I had to sell my house to get away from the triggers and the fact he was a neighbor ,, OMG took me a long time but since I had the courage to walk away my life has healed immensely , the evil he did will be paid back Karma is a bi,,,,, and REVENGE always comes some way some how to evil folks ,,,, He will get his but let life pay him back ,, MOVE FORWARD U WIN GO BACK HE WINS,, warrior

Yea, you probably want to avoid that. If you think about it, no matter what you find, its only going to bring up bad emotions/experiences. And what would you do with whatever information you find?

If your gut tells you its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.

No wonder you want to look him up.....

The thing is that if one never got justice...If you want justice and there is any way you can get it legally the right way....I would always try.

But sometimes we still don't get it....Or sometimes like in my case my family was in another country while all the abuse was happening.We were not living here.

A attorney told me had it happened here there would be no stats of limitations....So i did as much as i could to get justice NOT much..excpet confront them....and they just disowned me, blocked me from their e.mails and i never heard from them again.

So sometimes i've gone to look at my sisters one of the most abusive facebook page and there she is.......with her pics driving her expensive SUVs and living it up.....Happy as can be.

But legally i can not do anything against her.
She was so abusive she caused me to attempt suicide as a minor but it was emotional abuse and she was an adult me a minor....But still i will never get justice....

So yeah if you are not determine to get justice any legal way.....its painful to just go see him in FB enjoying his life while he screw yours.

When i go to my "sister" FB i feel like i'm going to vomit with anger...it was sooo unjust...she did so much damage to me causing me to end up in the street,ect,ect,ect as a minor....


But oh well life can be very unfair.
So yeah try not to go.Its gonns upset you more.

But on the other hand if you can't help it....Don't "beat" yourself about having it done either.....

I have gone to my sister's FB and everytime i go the less i want to ever go......Like i said nothing can be done.I confronted her she said "I don't remember you" like i did not exist......blocked me from her e.mails and i never heard from her again...

I've learn my lesson and i've stop going..its torture.

I'm a male rape survivor of pedophilia and my rapist was convicted, went to prison, and was killed by other inmates in prison. I also know his other rape victims and what has happened to their lives trying to recover after he raped them.

All of this info came to me without my reaching out for it. I turned the whole thing over to the God of my understanding and went about my business.

I believe if you're meant to know anything healthy about this person it will find you in due time, as it did me. It's just an opinion, like believing in karma or something. But I share it because it helped me. I believe my job was to take care of myself, put my energy into rebuilding my life, and not give him any more of my attention. My proof is that it worked for me.

I am a big "googler" and internet searcher, but the one person I will not search for is the man that molested me when i was a child. i can't do it, and as the others said, i know even typing his name will trigger me when I do so much to work through it.
I have searched for my ex abusive boyfriend and exhusband, and it always made me have a huge fear response, and has even triggered flashbacks.
Trust me when i tell you that nothing good will come of it,