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I am being told this, and I sort of need to write it here, to get validation, I guess?
I am being told by my inners that we were hit in the head, above the hair line a lot, by the dad.
He did this because the bruises would not show there.
I remember kind of a drawn out "owww," that we made, because we couldn't help ourselves, when we got our hair pulled or our head hit.
We'd get hit until we stopped crying, and screaming in pain wasn't allowed, so we said owwww...
I am being told by my inners that we were hit in the head, above the hair line a lot, by the dad.
He did this because the bruises would not show there.
I remember kind of a drawn out "owww," that we made, because we couldn't help ourselves, when we got our hair pulled or our head hit.
We'd get hit until we stopped crying, and screaming in pain wasn't allowed, so we said owwww...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I am coming from a place of healing total amnesia, so I don't know if my experience will be helpful to you, or not. When my "inners" start sending me such messages, I work to simply sit with them. Girl, howdy, it is HARD work, but I feel it necessary because the damage to my memory makes it hard to sort fact from fiction from nightmare from fear from several other sets of etceteras. If I move too quickly in pigeon-holing the message, it tangles with the greatest of ease. My goal is to untangle. Gently. Slowly. Without judgement or invalidation. Whatever the wherever of the message, it remains important and valid. I trust it and go wherever it leads me.
But that is me...
Gentle validation, bluedragon. I don't see anything "small" here.
Whatever, just know we're here for you:-)
The first severe beating I ever saw my father give my mother was after he had preached a Sunday sermon. On the way home in the car he grabbed her hair and banged her head repeatedly against the passenger side window while she shrieked.
Abusers figure out how to be brutal in ways that don't leave obvious visible marks. I agree that it's not a small thing, either, and can validate what you've saying, too.
I'm really sorry you went through that. It's a memory that kind of haunts me, too, because once that took place it really escalated from there. She got him back and abused him physically, too, in other ways that were awful and didn't leave a mark.
They couldn't let the church people see marks, since they were public figures on the job with my father as a pastor. But they figured out how to hurt without marking, and the two abused us kids. Not a happy family.
But yeah, he had to hide stuff from mom. One of the things we got back last year was him backhanding us, then putting ice on us where our teeth cut through the inside of our lip.
He was trying to fix a thing. We were a thing.
We are worried about our mr Crazypants right now, because he's not doing well, and feel a bit lost.