Why do you think she called you that?

Hubs and I both suspect she called me, "Monster-in-law" and "Toxic Person" just because she read it on one of her e-toys and/or heard it in one of her romance movies.

Fact is, I don't get to know, Donna, and I sure am tired of guessing.

Just wanna let her door stay closed. . .

from my point of view you are not toxic here but a blessing to al wishing you peace today arfie

Thank you, freed. My battered self-esteem needed that boost. . .

I have too much background in environmental science to believe there is such a thing as a "Non-Toxic" bio-mass. Everything in nature has toxic potentials.

I am being fully sincere when I say I don't get the "Toxic People" fad, at all. But then, I never got, "Plastic People," "Zero Tolerance" or "Stranger Danger," either, to list only a few of the slang/propaganda evolutions.

Ah, the sound bytes of the ages. Got me, Arfie. We're due for a shift form "toxic people".... "Dweebs, twits, twerps, losers, hosers, plastics...." At the end of the day, it all comes down to "People We Don't Want In Our Clique"... The fad ones come and go but at the end of the day, it's the same definition for them all, and I've been called them. My sis taught me every one current from my birth year to her death year....

BTW, Plastic People as Plastics came back briefly courtesy the movie "Mean Girls",

I've also heard teens of today rant, "That bi*ch stole my lingo!" because the other person used a catchphrase in the popular domain, but didn't let the speaker use it as exclusively theirs.

I use "toxic" because I do believe they are toxic. I am well aware much in nature is or can be toxic---and that includes my gene pool. In the EPA toxic sense.

Good etymology, Arfie:-) And we're all someone's toxic. My sister was telling me that when I was 3. Using 1970s terminology and some very nasty words atop it. And that's okay.

Like allergies. Flowers are still beautiful even if someone sneezes in their presence, right? So maybe she's allergic to you but it doesn't mean you're toxic? Bad analogy, sorry, but my point is, hey, you're a beautiful biomass here:-)

I for one do not find you to be toxic. In fact you are very supportive and kind. My dad use to say "you cannot please everyone" not the type of crap you need in your life, keep your distance.

My take on it is that some of these words are over-used. There is a website I use to go to that had good info, but the support forums seem to have everyone "labeled" as something bad...toxic...specific personality disorder not diagnosed, but reading it sounded more like a disagreement between 2 people..and womp...they must be one of the "labels". It took me time,years , to even use the word alcoholic in my gene pool....to me a long standing pattern of behavior up close and personal. Words can hurt, and nowdays the filters of what is said seem to be gone. "Everything in nature has toxic potential" I agree with you...fellow road warrior....you analyze...reflect, chew...I don't think the "t" word applies to you either.Hugs

I think it is just a way for people to clump many definitions into one word. A lot of people call it drama but I think it goes deeper than that.

Pretty much, any person who drags you down or makes you feel like crap. I have never heard the term plastic people.

@ Arfie: she didn't want to own her own part in making the relationship spiral out of control?
So she pushed the blame all on you via " labeling ", and is now punishing you by taking away the grand kid.

What a paragon of nontoxic behavior.* Rolls eyes.*

...One might even say she wanted to push you into lashing out for some reason? So she could feel victimized? Doing her own little family re-enactment dance, because even non-PTSD people re-enact family patterns. We re-create what we're used to, what feels familiar.

Slapping her was not good.
But she was in your house, acting like an arrogant, spoiled child for 3 years. Um...did you do that? Nope.
Could she have used that time to look for a job or get a degree plan rolling, so that she would feel more in control of her life? Maybe?

People aren't so much toxic by themselves. It's relationships that become toxic, interactions that get stuck in nasty little ruts.

She was and is surely enacting a pattern from her past. What? I don't know. She doesn't sound terrifically self-aware.

I hope she takes responsibility for her actions and takes charge of her life at some point.

Labeling anybody with a derogatory term is an abuse tactic, of course.

It conveniently prevents the labeler from having to accept the labeled as an actual human. It " others " you.

I am not inclined to look kindly upon someone who bullies a person vulnerable to such bullying...and in that person's own home.

Sorry Artie, I am not hip enough to keep up with all of the latest twists and turns of the English Language, nor do I want to be. But there is a term that has stood the test of time that would aptly describe those that used your beautiful Grandson against you and your husband. You kind of have to use your imagination and put it together.......FORNICATING DONKEY ORIFICES. And I might add I think I gave them quite a bit of deference with that description.

You're not toxic here, arfie, quite the contrary, so I can't imagine that would apply out there in the world. It seems sometimes people project onto others what might apply to them. In my family system the word is "insecure." When they say it they practically hiss the word out, meaning it as the ultimate label to connote a weak person. In reality, poor things, in my family it would be nice if people could be vulnerable about their insecurities so they could heal instead of being attacked for them with a label.

I hope I did not offend by my bad analogy... I have gotten labeled as so much over my lifetime that I decided that some people are just "allergic" to others.... reactive is probably a better word... and it is not necessarily anyones fault any more than I would blame a peanut or ragweed. Avoid what makes the itch and rash...works for me as much as possible.

Many, however, like to roll in those itchmaking vibes to ... I dunno... conquer them? I have a hard ti e expressing on this. Glib catchphrases make it easy, not correct or kind, or even remotely logical.

Just rmemeber that we are here for you.

I often think my etymology obsessions are built of a need to dis-empower hurtful taunts shouted in out-of-control moments.

Maybe. . . But it's more than that now. The evolution of human language is fascinating on many levels.

Prepare to be bombarded:

http://etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=toxic&searchmode=none

I use this site with my students.

Hmmm... toxic, as in a poisoned arrow... might that apply sometimes? You are a very straight shooter and very intelligent. I think your words cut very effectively, you smarter than the average bear. ; )

I'd take it with a grain of salt. After all, saline is good for wounds, no?