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Sick of feeling afraid

powerpurplewarrior
powerpurplewarrior

I want to be brave.  Everyone I know that I've talked to and knows anything about my life tell me that I'm so strong.  I don't feel strong!!!!! I FEEL WEAK!!!!!  


I'm afraid that I've hurt my cat max somehow by being away for so long.  I'm afraid I've hurt my relationship with my friend who was staying here because I've asked for my key back to my place.  I'm afraid to go to sleep at night becuase I don't want to have nightmares.  I'm afraid that I'll miss my alarm and that I won't be able to get a reservation on the bus for my appointments.  I'm afraid that I've really damaged some of my family members. I'm afraid that I really will kill myself one day. I'm afraid of living because I don't want to screw it up anymore than I already am!


Why does fear rule my life? My therapist says that there is to be faith over fear.  "Do not fear for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will help you, I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10  


Sigh...


Afraid and vulnerable


PPW

nancy6464
nancy6464
I will just sit here and keep you company. we can be afraid together cause there is strength in numbers, right? triple hugs of support~
fireflywing
fireflywing
It’s ok to be where you are. Raising hand. I rely on my support systems and this is one of them when I need a hand. I’m here too. You’re not alone.
patti22
patti22
I'm sure that your therapist meant well, but to me that sounds a bit like "snap out of it".

Instead of tying yourself up into knots (like I enjoy doing quite often), it's better to work on ways to manage your fears.

***major hypocrisy alarms going off***

Can I join in the fear group?
powerpurplewarrior
powerpurplewarrior
Feeling crappy and want to hurt myself
patti22
patti22
Okay, you and me together...what can we do? Look at the stars?
arfie
arfie
Where is the bravery in standing tall on an idyllic day? There is no need for courage when there is no fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is action in the face of fear.

For what it's worth, I'm with your therapist and all the folks who tell you you ARE very brave, The bible is far from the only source of great quotes on using faith to master fear.

Ditto for weakness. Yes, I am weak but in my greatest weakness I find my greatest strength. I only believe. Proof not needed.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Yeah, what arfie said, pp. "Courage is action in the face of fear. " The two are related. Like weakness and strength. You're on the right track, pp. How scary it is in evidence. If the bible's not helping you, maybe a Christian author will, JRR Tolkien. He wrote the story Lord of the Rings about hobbits because the smallest people in the world fought the greatest battle to end the evil of the ring, they took action in the face of fear."

If you don't know the tale of Lord of the Rings, I recommend it for when you feel small and the quotes from the bible don't look alive to you. They're enacted by those hobbit tales Tolkien told of action in the face of fear.
powerpurplewarrior
powerpurplewarrior
Muji if I can find my copy of Lord of the Rings I'll watch it today
Kate1976
Kate1976
Muji, great tip!! Stephen King also wrote the Dark Tower series as his attempt at Lord of the Rings. Read this series before rereading the Lord of the Rings. Another good short story is the saga of the jomsvikings! Ppl, I struggle with the same conflict on feeling weak, but I am learning that the feeling is carryover from when I was hurt as a child. I was 2 at my first trauma, so of course I was weak! It helps if I look for small signs of strength (for you having a good conversation with the caseworker despite the fact she showed up while you were brushing your teeth?). I am starting to keep a victory journal where I write them down and carry it with me to help when I am feeling weak. Hugs!
run2bfree
run2bfree
I think you are brave with all you have gone through hugs
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
yes, you have made it thru so many frightening times, you have. those are truly victories to be counted and remembered.

that is such a good idea - better than good, to keep a victory journal! i'm going to try to remember to do that too.

for now, pruple, maybe just think of a vicotry of yesterday? you just had one with the housing people : ) you are having vicotories - lots of them. it sometimes is not easy to see them.

gentle hugs. keep taking your careful action steps, you're doing well xo

call for help if you need it - that too is a courageous step - huge hugs xo
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