You sound like me Sarah, in need of a dose of current reality rather than the blending of your adult self with your inner child.

You came into this world like we all do. Innocent and untouched. That was taken from you and turned on its monstrous large head. You are NONE of those things. I can relate to these thoughts and feelings. Old wounds putting us on a script of self loathing and despair.

You are a survivor. I know it doesn't feel like this at these times. Its like we are a victim of the past. Feeling physically poorly can leave us very susceptible to these thoughts and feelings.

I hear and empathise with you. I know it can look trite and misunderstood, can you try and bring yourself to the present and have those wicked lies challenged? You need the pain to stop I know. I'm just very sorry how we are left with such lies, such incredible suffering.

Do you have any grounding techniques? Any way of accepting you are a wonderful young woman who now has a life for herself? Maybe doesn't feel like that I know.

All I can send are hugs and support and the wish for you to feel better. I know that's not enough but maybe it can be a start?

xxxx

It's awful to feel that way, I know, I've felt like that about myself, too. It got really bad for me when I was diagnosed with PTSD. My therapist helped me and memorized this self talk to balance it out.

I risk really sounding corny and cheesy sharing it, but I was desperate. Guess what? It helped. I still say it to myself even nowadays, too, when stress turns things dark for me. It goes: "May I be filled with lovingkindness, may I be well, may I be peaceful and at ease, may I be happy." It worked for me and still does.

Thanks ruby and muji. I just feel so bad.i wish itd stop.

My medical specialty happens to be the part where we take you out back and shoot you.

Can I shoot you with my healing hopes gun?

Bang. . .

You've been here before Sarah and what I saw was a strong, persistant, beautiful woman. One who cares and helps other people. Smart, intelligent. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do something nice for yourself, listen to some good music. This too shall pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later.