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Eldest son (36) seems to be well in to the calming phase of his current cycle. His haggard, painfully thin appearance leads me to believe this particular go-round has worn him to a physical nub and he does not have much choice in the calming. His body won't take much more. The financial accounting of this go-round is still in the information gathering stage. It is not likely that even he knows all the prosecutable damage he has caused in the past 6 weeks. Of course, allot of the bills, etc., are landing on my bill desk. Enable much? Can we afford it? Not if hubs wants to retire before his job kills him. Probably not if the job kills him before retirement, either.
Leaving that snotty knot in the "Sort Later" pile. . .
There is the personal responsibility of a middle-aged man. And then we have the ship that personal responsibility arrived on.
Hubs, youngest son (32, father of 2) and I have been discussing eldest son's cycle with new compassion and clarity this time around. I think. Maybe just reframing our habitual denial? This time around we have been reaching to trust eldest son to sort his own confusions and discussing the family cycles.
Sorting. . . Sure wish I had a big picture to tell me which pieces go where.
Leaving that snotty knot in the "Sort Later" pile. . .
There is the personal responsibility of a middle-aged man. And then we have the ship that personal responsibility arrived on.
Hubs, youngest son (32, father of 2) and I have been discussing eldest son's cycle with new compassion and clarity this time around. I think. Maybe just reframing our habitual denial? This time around we have been reaching to trust eldest son to sort his own confusions and discussing the family cycles.
Sorting. . . Sure wish I had a big picture to tell me which pieces go where.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
At 18, a person is "legally" an adult. When we actually reach full maturity, I don't know. I'm still waiting to be a mature person myself. Whatever *that* even means...
Point being... Trust him, trust yourselves, and take some self-care for you and your hubs...
Big support.
That *trust* thing is still a toughie. Can I still trust him to break some more windshields in the next go-round? Letting go and letting God. . .
The new dialogue between hubs and I seems to be centered on, "Getting into the same library." His view of the family cycles is through the interruptions to his high stress network management job. Mine is through the long hours in legal/academic/medical/psychiatric waiting rooms, teacher conferences, etc., etc. We ain't reading the same books or websites. . . All too often we are proof that speaking the same language is no guarantee of communication. I still have measures of anxiety over the potential for his retirement to be the beginnings of a corporate raid on my life. "Girl Friday" is not an ambition I ever nurtured.
I am from a very long line of family business people. The majority of businesses in the family are even legal, despite the harsh realities of illegal business being much more profitable. Whether the corporate raiders are wearing Wall Street uniforms or S.W.A.T. uniforms. . . Again, we ain't even in the same library. A raid is a raid in my library.
Still sorting. . .
Could he be abusing them ?
Wishing you/him/all y'all peace, health, and strength.....
Thank you for the wishes, David. Muchly needed.
I don't have anything like the horns of a dilemma you've got. It's just that I'm an older guy now, and I can literally empathize with needing to retire for my health. On the other hand, at one time I was that grown son in your story, too, with problems overwhelming me, it so happens, at your son's age.
I wish the fact that I can identify so very closely to both options you describe meant I have the answer. Instead, it means my heart goes out to you in support. I wish that were enough, I know, but it's there, arfie.
...I think making your aid conditional this time, and making it clear this is his VERY LAST time of getting a bailout...
That's reasonable.
If you think he's neglecting his kids, enabling him is not the way to go.
lol leo, me too on the waiting to be a mature person but some of its overrated. it would be nice to see you use some of that money for yourself.
The good news is that this is the bachelor son. No young children. Just middle-aged bachelor break-up drama. We were able to get his most recent ex to safety after the first slap and second shattered windshield.
Still kinda heartbroken that we didn't get the wedding. . .
Hope healing happens here.
Prayers in progress.