Sending a gentle hug your way:-)

I also panic when confronted with anything related to health or weight. It's just... not good for me. Even if a doctor shows me on a chart I'm okay, I just... freak at th emere concept. So I go through a lot of what you described. Almost every week!

Part of it's just being human.

Sounds odd but I got by the 90-10 rule. Ninety percent of what I eat/drink is good for me and I am careful of portion control (I have this one cereal bowl that is my "portion" measuring bowl,) and the other ten percent? pizza night or a few ounces of candy or whatever as my "treat". (I usually saeve them for therapy days!)

No idea if that makes you feel like it's an issue you can bring back into your control and your power, but it helped me after my accident meant no more athletics for me.


Gentlest hugs!

Weight is horrible to deal with sometimes. I have got to get to a healthy weight again. Working on it.

Woke up in a full panic this morning. It was due to a nightmare I had. I have been awake now for almost four hours, but still I am shaking and cold.

It is time to get out of the house.

Sorry to hear this Cecil. I feel the same way at times. I guess our health worries us because we are alone and there is nobody to care for us when we are unwell. Hope you feel more settled soon.

Weight's a health issue for me, too, as well as one that erodes my self esteem. I truly do know how you feel. As spring turns to summer, when I would have shed clothes and would have been more active in years past, I find myself feeling bad about myself. We can support each other. Hugs to you, Cec.

Personally, I find relief in attributing it on the diagnosis du jour. (love the expression! I started therapy in 1972 and the dx name changes alone make me feel like alphabet soup.) Accepting that my illness(es) can cause particular effects on my thought process and behaviour helps me to stop beating myself up as a moral degenerate and leave me freer to decide what to do about it. Gently. With compassion in place of self-pity and/or self-loathing.

Supportive hugs, CC. You are still human, and I love you anyway. Not everybody is lucky enough to be canine. Wag, wag.

Thanks for the support :-) I have come out of the slump a bit.

The hard part is really working on everything. I like to make big overwhelming plans. It is hard for me to take one day or even one hour at a time. It's hard for me to look at a setback as a temporary blip on the screen. I go all fatalistic. Then comes the self punishment.

So I have to learn to see the truth. See what is actually in the here and now and not the worst case scenario bullshit that plays out in my head.

Maybe my mind needs a healthier playground and my body will follow.

It is SO hard to slow my mind down. The past few days...maybe a week....I have felt long periods of calm....almost peaceful. It is a little scary. I don't know what to make of quiet head space.
There is still a sadness that I haven't placed yet. The weird thing is that it's ok.

For now I am just going to accept it.

Arfie, I dreamt I was a wolf once. I turned into one to better defend myself. In the last part of the dream I was running through the forest feeling the perfect power of my body. I ran so fast and with such joy. I wasn't just watching a wolf run in my dream, I was the wolf. It was a beautiful dream.

Beautiful dream Cecil, Those are the good ones to remember.