Today was a bit shaky. I awoke this morning with my whole body clenched tight, right down to both hands being fisted. My Psychiatrist says that happens when I don't remember the nightmare but my body does. Anywho, it set the tone for the day.

I went to work, and although there were no flashbacks or panic attacks, which I regard as terrific progress btw, there was this thin layer of anxiety with me all day. In fact, I stood in here via my cellphone most of the day, because being here with all of you helps me when I feel anxious.

Which reminds me, thank you Lilly and Sarah and arfie and everyone else who participated in the group breathing this afternoon. Was fun and it helped with the anxiety, too.

Since I have mostly been hiding in the house during my non-work, non-school,non-doctor appointment hours, my co-worker and I decided to go for dinner at a restaurant tonight. Her husband is taking night classes so she and I went to a nice seafood place. I haven't had much of an appetite lately, but I enjoyed the food and the company, but the anxiety remained to the point where I kind of felt out of place out in the world. I don't know, just weird feeling.

Tonight, now that I am home again, the anxiety has settled into a burn just below my skin and I am kind of trying to ignore it, yet waiting for whatever is going to happen, to happen so I can stop feeling this anticipation.

It feels like hypervigilance and irrational fear, but I don't think it really is that. I just don't know yet what it really is.

crossing my fingers and hoping to be wrong on all counts. 

I'd rather be paranoid, than correct right now. Being right would not be good~