Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
It might not seem like much, I got to not wanting to cope with life and let too much time go by. But for me it has catastrophic consequences. I can't see my horse today...
It should not be the end of the world. I go days without seeing him all the time. I have not seen him in almost a week now. But I have not gotten to relax into those big brown eyes in weeks. The week before Thanksgiving was the last time I went out to do anything more than check on water tanks.
In the saddle is where I regain calm. It if where I find peace from the racings of my mind. My hubby says my horse holds my smile. I have been having to fight to get someone to drive me out to see the horses. They are too far away. The 1st of the year they move to a place that is close enough that I can even drive myself out to see them.
But that does not help today.
hubby has been working to get ready for his shift to turn to graveyard tonight. Starting today he works 6pm to 6am.. but in my head I still had time. I forgot the 90 minute commute time and that he is going to want me here for him getting ready as the only time he will see me today. That means that I need to be here by 3pm...
I forgot that, I forgot everything and just shut down and ignored the world. I have not been able to switch to nights, my system is rebelling. I am sick with lack of sleep. I am miserable without my horse.
My daughter, like her dad, likes a nocturnal schedule. She went to bed at 5am this morning and I felt bad about making her get up to drive me. I did just one more thing, which turned into a two hour puzzle. I woke her up at 1pm, thinking we would have plenty of time to go out and groom and even get a quick ride.
The time just did not add up. An hour drive each way meant no time to even get out of the car when we got there.
Tomorrow I have to go put on a good show of being ok at the VA hospital. Wednesday I promised hubby we would go see The Hobbit. Thursday is Xmass and the horses are in a friend's backyard. Friday is the soonest I can get out there...
I have no other tools in my toolbox to get through the day. If I can shut down again, it will help, but will freak out hubby. I got nothing but to maybe just the tears fall for a while. It has been a long time since I have cried. Not seeing my horse seems like a silly reason to cry.
It should not be the end of the world. I go days without seeing him all the time. I have not seen him in almost a week now. But I have not gotten to relax into those big brown eyes in weeks. The week before Thanksgiving was the last time I went out to do anything more than check on water tanks.
In the saddle is where I regain calm. It if where I find peace from the racings of my mind. My hubby says my horse holds my smile. I have been having to fight to get someone to drive me out to see the horses. They are too far away. The 1st of the year they move to a place that is close enough that I can even drive myself out to see them.
But that does not help today.
hubby has been working to get ready for his shift to turn to graveyard tonight. Starting today he works 6pm to 6am.. but in my head I still had time. I forgot the 90 minute commute time and that he is going to want me here for him getting ready as the only time he will see me today. That means that I need to be here by 3pm...
I forgot that, I forgot everything and just shut down and ignored the world. I have not been able to switch to nights, my system is rebelling. I am sick with lack of sleep. I am miserable without my horse.
My daughter, like her dad, likes a nocturnal schedule. She went to bed at 5am this morning and I felt bad about making her get up to drive me. I did just one more thing, which turned into a two hour puzzle. I woke her up at 1pm, thinking we would have plenty of time to go out and groom and even get a quick ride.
The time just did not add up. An hour drive each way meant no time to even get out of the car when we got there.
Tomorrow I have to go put on a good show of being ok at the VA hospital. Wednesday I promised hubby we would go see The Hobbit. Thursday is Xmass and the horses are in a friend's backyard. Friday is the soonest I can get out there...
I have no other tools in my toolbox to get through the day. If I can shut down again, it will help, but will freak out hubby. I got nothing but to maybe just the tears fall for a while. It has been a long time since I have cried. Not seeing my horse seems like a silly reason to cry.
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I hope you feel better, things get better, and things ARE better soon.
I kept thinking about you ... and the mold ... and the house ... and the latest storm, and what IT would do to/for the mold (nothing good -- that's for damned sure).
I'm all beaten up and broken down, medically, too, so I think I understand that part.
I'm glad you have your horse. I'm sorry the intervals between visits/rides has been long.
Sammy ... my estranged wife's (with whom I'm living. Yeah) rescue yellow lab ... definitely rescues me.
I'll just start dripping tears, sometimes, and one will hit his head. He'll stand up, wag his tail fiercely, and try to lick me back into a good mood.
Animals ... they're amazing.
People ... not quite so much.
I hope your husband's job is lifting his spirits. That can sure help with depression, and ... that neuropsychoimmunological thing ... can help with resistance to bugs and cellulitis.
Wishing you a happy holiday season and New Year.
In 10 days our horses will be in the hauty training stable just down the road. No more hour (assuming no traffic) each way. At 4.8 miles, they are actually going to be on the same block as we live. We will have to haul out to trails, but there is a huge indoor arena on site.
Soon I won't have an issue gettign to them. I just need to focus on that...
I have decided that the only way to get out of the mold and this house is to stop trying to be organized and just get all the stuff in bins! I will sort it later and cut back on how much we own. For now, it is all just getting packed. Four boxes packed last week!
May Friday be extra sweet for the extra longing. Sustaining hugs for the interim.
As for crazy ladies, my daughter showed me the BEST video clip the other day!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB2DU7DHSgA
HUGS Yadlim... I definitely understand how reassuring and grounding being with your horse is... Mine whinnies in excitement when he sees me... comes charging up like he's an excited kid... and then proceeds to try grooming me... including playing with any zips and investigating my pockets... Total acceptance AND an exuberant display of affection! The other horse owners tut, tut at me that he is too "frisky" but seeing his irrepressibly extroverted joy is EXACTLY what I NEED! He does everything I ask him to and comes when I whistle... but he's also fast and fearless... he reminds me what the true joy of life is all about! Curiosity, action, and connections. lol... okay arfie maybe we are a little crazy... crazy about HORSES!! rofl