a couple nights ago i had plans to go out with some new friends. i got such tremendous anxiety a couple hours beforehand that i had to lay down. i wasn't sure if it would pass or not, and i was seriously considering cancelling, but i got a little sleep and felt somewhat better... i'm really not used to having this problem. i feel so frustrated with myself.

i had that feeling again today at work that people were mad at me. for what, i have no idea, but i couldn't shake it. this is combined with the thoughts that i may have somehow said or done something inappropriate when i went out with my friends the other night and now they want nothing to do with me. i have absolutely no proof that this is even true, but it is what i am feeling.

people seem to really like me when i talk to them. i know that i am warm, and that i reach out to everyone. i make them laugh. i know that i am not a bad person, but in the space between interaction all the fear and doubt and anxiety kicks in.