The community mental health center I've been treated at for 12 years is having me fill out the initial paperwork as if I were a new patient. The questions I'm having to contemplate and answer are all tearing my insides out as each memory brings up the emotions that I felt when the trauma and abuse happened. Today all I want to do is sleep. The forms are due tomorrow so I must do them (I've been avoiding them for a month) but I'm going to nap and do more later. My nightmares last night were definitely from having to re-live and reveal 53 years of life. I am having all this anger at my father and mother. I cannot address it at all as my father is dead and my mother is so old and disabled....and she refuses to remember---claims none of it ever happened. Fortunately, my sister told me my mom asked her about it all, as I went off one night, reminding her of all she did and continues to do and my sister told me, "I remember" "It happened" "You are not crazy".

Well, of course I am crazy, but I didn't get here alone.