Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I am sure everyone is tired of hearing this, but if I don't very somewhere I will have to kill my hubby.
I know he is sick. I know why he is sick - it is a combination of stress, PTSD, depression, and mold. I also know that he is driving me crazy and it is just not that far away!! If he whines at me one more time about how he is not getting enough attention, I will have to kill him.
I know what is going on and why and that it is decades in the making. Back when we were dating, situations were extraordinary and we wound up with one working car between the two of us - so to be able to get to college, we wound up moving in with each other within a couple months of meeting - granted that was nigh on to 30 years ago, but still. We have ALWAYS been together. My major hobbies were his minor hobbies when we met, and my minor hobbies were his major hobbies - so it was very easy to just slip into each other's lives.
Over the decades, we have learned that we prefer each others company to the company of others. Up until my cancer a couple years ago, he always had a handful of 'guy' friends with whom he would spend the occasional weekend or day. He pulled away from those friends to get me through my cancer.
Other than our daughter and me, hubby has no other friends. Getting fired for being too gregarious (he said "good morning" to people above his pay grade) has left him terrified of talking to people - which for him is devastating as talking to people is what he loves to do. He has curled up inside this shell of rejection and demands my constant attention for mental stimulation in exchange for him doing most of the physical stuff... shopping, cooking, etc. But now daughter is doing that, and he feels he has no use...
I can't pack with him fussing at me that he is not getting enough attention. I can't get him to go to the doctor and get a refill on his meds until he is out of them. I have no energy to take care of him, deal with his emotional blackmail right now, pack, keep myself sane, and take care of myself physically.
Than again, I can't say that I am much better... I have one friend - who is currently watching my horses. This is the only live human being I interact with other than hubby and daughter. I talk annomiousely with people here on DS. Hubby has a survival group he talks with.
We often joke that together we make one dysfunctional person.
I know that once he is not sick, he will go back to being my best friend, but right now I can't cope with being smothered by him. Things will get better. Once life changes, he will not have the choice but to get out and interact again with the world. Just for right now, while our life is in such an untenious situation, he has no where to go but to lean on me...
Next year will be better, next year.
I know he is sick. I know why he is sick - it is a combination of stress, PTSD, depression, and mold. I also know that he is driving me crazy and it is just not that far away!! If he whines at me one more time about how he is not getting enough attention, I will have to kill him.
I know what is going on and why and that it is decades in the making. Back when we were dating, situations were extraordinary and we wound up with one working car between the two of us - so to be able to get to college, we wound up moving in with each other within a couple months of meeting - granted that was nigh on to 30 years ago, but still. We have ALWAYS been together. My major hobbies were his minor hobbies when we met, and my minor hobbies were his major hobbies - so it was very easy to just slip into each other's lives.
Over the decades, we have learned that we prefer each others company to the company of others. Up until my cancer a couple years ago, he always had a handful of 'guy' friends with whom he would spend the occasional weekend or day. He pulled away from those friends to get me through my cancer.
Other than our daughter and me, hubby has no other friends. Getting fired for being too gregarious (he said "good morning" to people above his pay grade) has left him terrified of talking to people - which for him is devastating as talking to people is what he loves to do. He has curled up inside this shell of rejection and demands my constant attention for mental stimulation in exchange for him doing most of the physical stuff... shopping, cooking, etc. But now daughter is doing that, and he feels he has no use...
I can't pack with him fussing at me that he is not getting enough attention. I can't get him to go to the doctor and get a refill on his meds until he is out of them. I have no energy to take care of him, deal with his emotional blackmail right now, pack, keep myself sane, and take care of myself physically.
Than again, I can't say that I am much better... I have one friend - who is currently watching my horses. This is the only live human being I interact with other than hubby and daughter. I talk annomiousely with people here on DS. Hubby has a survival group he talks with.
We often joke that together we make one dysfunctional person.
I know that once he is not sick, he will go back to being my best friend, but right now I can't cope with being smothered by him. Things will get better. Once life changes, he will not have the choice but to get out and interact again with the world. Just for right now, while our life is in such an untenious situation, he has no where to go but to lean on me...
Next year will be better, next year.
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
My hubby and I like to quip that, "Between us there is balance." Alas, either one of us losing our personal balance will take the other down as well when we are holding on too tightly. A loose hold does not mean we are quick to abandon each other. It just means one of us still on our feet to help the one who has fallen.
Gentle hugs while you sort your own unique dynamics, yadim.
Ah religion.... there we have agreed to disagree. I am Scientoligist (not the new fangled medication is bad crap) and he is Roman Catholic. We have gone to church counseling before, when our marriage was shaky and I was in the Army.
I really think that our salvation of mental stability is to get to a point where we CAN get out and about separately again. We have to get out of this house first - but that is months or a year from now.
We also have the issue that I am physically dependent on hubby. With my pain issues, without help I have to push myself too hard just to get through a day. Most likely I will be in a wheel chair within the next five years.
To quote an Al-anon slogan, "Let it begin with me."
But... As always... We are each unique. Gentle support while you sort.
You are quite correct - it takes both of us to be stuck in this issue. I do not need to be his whole life, nor does he need to be mine. Waiting for our life to get better is not going to get either of us anywhere.
We have both slid down a very slippery slope, and we are the only ones who can stop our fall.
This is not something to survive through until he is well, until we get to a better living situation. This is something we have to fix in order for him to GET well, in order for our living situation to GET better. Who knows, I might even turn into a functioning person again.
Change starts today.