Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
For most of my childhood I grew up on a farm. I used to love to go out into the woods and just explore. One day I was following a rabbit trail and it led into a very large briar patch. For whatever reason i decided to go home put on a long sleeve shirt and get a buck knife. I came back to that briar patch, laid down on my stomach and crawled through that rabbit trail. I would use the knife to help make the path large enough for me. ( I was very small for my age ) After traveling about ten feet using this method, I came to a small clearing in the center of the briar patch. It was wonderful. All around me were black berries to eat, and thorns to keep everyone else out. I felt very certain that no one could make it in there with me. It was truly my own personal fortress. Whenever I wanted to I could go there and not only be alone, but feel safe in the idea that I would remain alone. I could relax.
It is no wonder that when my therapist asked me to visualize a place that made me feel safe, or happy that this small clearing in the middle of a large briar patch came up. Though now I feel a certain amount of guilt over it. My "safe place" is not just to be alone, but to be so alone that no one can find me. What does that say about me? What does that say about my relationship with my family... my wife? I never seem to get to be alone anymore, and it gets to me. At the same time I feel saddened that I cant seem to find strength and safety with those who love me. I understand that during my healing process I should be allowed a certain amount of latitude with such things, but still my preference of being alone speaks volumes to who I am. On one hand I very much want to be able to feel comfortable around people and form deep friendships. On the other hand I feel terrified at the prospect.
I wonder, Is this loner type of personality a very common trait among people with PTSD? Also, since my trauma (rape) happened at age 6, I am unable to get a clear picture of who I was before verses who I am now. I don't feel like I'm a different person since the trauma. I feel like after finding out that a lot of my behaviors are caused by the trauma, I am slowly discovering who I might have been.
Its frustrating.
It is no wonder that when my therapist asked me to visualize a place that made me feel safe, or happy that this small clearing in the middle of a large briar patch came up. Though now I feel a certain amount of guilt over it. My "safe place" is not just to be alone, but to be so alone that no one can find me. What does that say about me? What does that say about my relationship with my family... my wife? I never seem to get to be alone anymore, and it gets to me. At the same time I feel saddened that I cant seem to find strength and safety with those who love me. I understand that during my healing process I should be allowed a certain amount of latitude with such things, but still my preference of being alone speaks volumes to who I am. On one hand I very much want to be able to feel comfortable around people and form deep friendships. On the other hand I feel terrified at the prospect.
I wonder, Is this loner type of personality a very common trait among people with PTSD? Also, since my trauma (rape) happened at age 6, I am unable to get a clear picture of who I was before verses who I am now. I don't feel like I'm a different person since the trauma. I feel like after finding out that a lot of my behaviors are caused by the trauma, I am slowly discovering who I might have been.
Its frustrating.
-
Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
-
Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
I remember years ago going up in the hills or to a deserted beach for hours and loving the idea that NO ONE knew where I was.... freedom yeah! Eventually I graduated to ocean sailing, talk about leaving folks behind.
Desiring privacy in a safe place is nothing to feel guilty about in my book. If you think the extent of your need is interfering w/ your family relationships then perhaps discuss this w/ your wife or other family members, or all together in counseling if that is something you are involved with.
To answer your question about increased tendency to isolate w/ PTSD, many people experience that temporarily or long term; but it isn't universal and I think may be at least partially related to the type and duration of trauma. Some members here relish it, some would like to self-isolate less.
I had always ( still do) prefer to be alone because I never liked to feel part of a huge crowd or even then if I was, i like to see that its not a huge one that I can escape from. I am sorry about your rape. I could not imagine what that could've felt like. In a sense, it happened when you were really young so you didn't know much but yet, it happened early enough to mark you. Domestic violence was always a big part of my life, whether i was not directly involved at first and then, I was. I have never learned or known what it is like to live without chaos, commotion, fights and hurts. A day without one is absolutely abnormal. When i find or think that I am alright and my envt is quiet, i am just dying for something else to happen just cause.
Anyways, i think PTSD affects more this personality type because of the need to be alone and feeling relaxed. It sucks out so much energy and you just don't want to be around ppl, even though you and I long to be around ppl we truly love and have concern for. I think, just like the former post response, you should talk to your wife. See what says. At least you have someone who is at your side and still love you. Consider yourself blessed.
Did I answer your question about my own loner tendencies?
In addition to made-for-TV levels of domestic abuse, I started life with a severe speech defect which still re-emerges under duress. Lonerus Extremedus here. I can barely accept my place in the human species, much less sit comfortably with the over-lit creatures.
Yet, by some miracle, I am blessed with a husband and sons who consistently welcome me home after the stresses of life in the Light Ages have sent me scurrying for the calm embrace of natural light for however long it takes me to regain my 21st century humanity.
What does your wife currently do at home all day? Perhaps she could take up a hobby where she goes to a class once a week or something and then can do some of that at home as well. I go to quilting classes and then I quilt at home too. It makes my time at home feel like I have a goal and a way to be productive etc.
It seems that her isolation is part of what's causing you to feel socially overloaded. Maybe if her isolation can be reduced, there might eventually be less frustration between you.
Or does she like pets? ...Am just trying to think of a way to help her, because that in turn would help you.
have you researched others in the area with vertigo problems similar to hers? maybe there is a support group, or maybe you guys could start one. just so she has someone to relate to, and others to talk to with her limitations.
I have decided against it for the last 31 anniversaries. The next one isn't until next week.
Some days I think our ability to keep working through the kinks has been the most healing force in my PTSD ravaged life.
Other days I think I should just dump the chump. It is the 21st century, after all.
Its okay to need to be alone sometimes. I think its healthy. As for worrying about the need to not be able to be found, I think that is normal for someone who was traumatized as a kid. (its probably normal for others too but Im just speaking from experience.) If no one can find you, no one can hurt you. You are safe. It offers you protection that you didnt get.
I dont really know your family situation. These feelings I feel go right into ptsd recovery. If the feeling coming up is related to your current relationships, I think the best course of action would be to take the information and just know that you are being triggered. PTSD can really blow things up, and the extremeness of what you are feeling may not be proportional to what bothers you about your relationships. Try to figure out what it is about who that triggers you and go from there. Does that make sense? At least a little? Not sure if I explained that well.
Anyway I definitely feel for you.
My heart goes out to you.
Although my ex and I argued increasingly for over a year prior to our divorce the relationship was not abusive. Post divorce was quieter, yes. But divorce from someone you have loved a long time is extremely stressful, and for me life damaging. Certainly didn't make me feel more safe or secure.
Be very careful, make sure this is your only or best option. Perhaps consideri using a trial separation as a cooling off period so you can both be sure you believe this is for the best.
Your choice to make (and your wife's) but it is a hard road to travel.