One day at a time is an important thing to remember. At least you're aware of the problem so you can have it fixed. Hang in there.

I am really sorry to hear that. :( I hope you are able to get everything sorted out and healed up. You are a wonderful person who is very kind and supportive to everyone here, and you deserve to be happy and healthy. Hoping and praying this is just a minor setback, that can be resolved quickly. I know regrets can be hard, but why don't you focus instead on all the brave and amazing things you have done? You have faced your fears, had adventures, and taught others to be compassionate and sensitive. You have helped people in their darkest hours. Those are the parts of your life you should focus on, and I know you will be around to do even more amazing things. Sending you peace, good health, and positive thoughts.

OH Muji, so sorry to hear. I know exactly what you are saying, the whole thing about your mind going back to regrets and what not.

But, you can't beat yourself up. You did the best you could at the time and who knew that those meds would cause you probs. And besides, you may just been born with a predisposition to your kidney problems.

One day at a time, but really one moment at a time. I am learning mindfulness and it seemed to have helped me during the worst of those thoughts in my heart recovery. Maybe you can bring someone with you when you go to the docs next time to help you through all the anxiety and stress?

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, hugs, JP

hugs - I worry about my liver and kidneys with all the meds I take. Hubby keeps offering me Tylenol and that terrifies me. There is way too much of it in my pain meds.

We just have to get through one day at a time.

hugs and strength!

yadlim

One day, one hour, one breath at a time, dear friend. I've had those stretches of doctor awfuls.... it's *why* I now have my phobia. While I am glad they know what's caused the anemia, I am so sorry you've got to endure more medical crud.

As for mortality---it's kind of a silly thing, but when I get in that mode and mood? I remember this lien from a movie. The 13th Warrior. Antonio Banderas's character is facing the Big Battle and he goes into prayer: "For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee, God, for forgiveness. "

I liked it so much I have it copied into a text document and printed it out. No idea if that helps but it kinda helps me ground myself and remember: For what's been error? I can only ask forgiveness. For what lies ahead? I only hope for strength.

Gentlest purring hugs and know that whatever the state of your body? Your soul is eternal and soaring. IMO. Just sayin'.

I really like the quote from that movie, Leo. Thanks for sharing. As for the kidneys and your issues, I fear the same at times, cause we all know the side effects are not good. I wish you well in up coming visits to doctors. Our hearts and prayers are with you.

My crystal ball has a crack in it. Every time I ceremoniously rub its smooth surface for prophesies of the future, the visions hit the crack and fissure out into endless possibilities...

PIP. Prayers in progress, muji.

Thanks for the support everybody. I need it. I had a restless night due to physical stuff and got up this morning feeling physically under the weather. Fortunately, I had an email waiting for me from a one of my older students saying she was praying for me. She included the lyrics of a song, and I thought I'd share it because it might pick somebody up like it did me this morning. My student wrote:

"You hold a special place in my heart, my Beloved professor and treasured friend."

"Here's a song that I really like.
Live like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother.
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle"

Hey, with students like that you must not be doing everything wrong. And with friends like you at DS PTSD I must be doing something right again, no?

Thanks for the support again. I do need it. I don't feel good physically today. But I had a perfect attendance record at work last Spring with zero sick days, so I'm going to try to forgo taking a sick day today and push through. It's Friday, so I can be home sick tomorrow.

Your support will get me through the day. I'm grateful to you all.

Lovely lyrics, Muji, and that's right if your students are that fond of yoU? you are doing SO much good in the world:-)

Hang in there, you have all weekend to sleep and nurture yourself, but don't overdo today:-)

I'm extremely sorry you have to go through this. Regrets about the past may not be constructive, but you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel regret and also some anger about it. Like, hadn't you been through ENOUGH already?! I think it's better to feel it and then let it go than try to suppress the feeling - but I'm sure you know all that, you have acquired great mastery over your feelings.

Qigong. We need to get some qigong going here. There are so many of us that it could help. As a matter of fact, my qigong teacher may be coming to NY in November and I might have to break down the walls of careful boundaries on this website to drag you up there! Nov. 22 or so. It's a "maybe". Not a miracle cure but powerfully healing.

So sorry to read muji. That song from ur student def sayz a lot about you and the impact you have on others. Take good care of u.. one day at a time.
Prayers and warm thoughts

Felt feverish today, but made it through without taking a sick day, which I want to hoard in case I need more in days ahead. Feeling feverish tonight, but I've been taking the antibiotics for 3 days now so the tide should turn on this kidney infection later this weekend, I'm thinking.

So guess what? That student who emailed me that song I posted here came by my office today to see if I was ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, was that caring. And another student came by while she was visiting my office, and dropped off a get well card for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a love Muji fest in my office there. So glad I went to work!

You all are so special. Coming home to see more support here after work is so, so great, living alone and being sick. I'm never really alone. I have my friends at DS PTSD with me.

Leo, I loved that prayer, ""For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee, God, for forgiveness. " That's what I mean. I got prayers at work and prayers after work here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-)

What goes around comes around, muji. Just sending back what you've been dealing out. The cycles of life...

Rest easy this weekend. Peace be with you.

Sending healing vibes...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry. Hugs xx