That's a good three years of my marriage during a post-bad patch which led, duh, to another bad patch.... I couldn't believe it'd be okay and so it wasn't. Even though it wasnt' conscious for me, at the time, my hubby could pick up on the non-verbal and non-conscious cues, and those triggered his, and away we went....

The balancing element? I don't know where it is on the periodic table. WIsh I did. I'm a real self-fulfilling prophet of doom myself, alas.

Supportive vibes, and perhaps the balancing element is found in having no expectations at all in either direction? I struggle myself with this, so gentle purrs of support,
Leo

I really hope it's not a self fulfilling prophecy because your self awareness is so humble and deserves to be rewarded with serenity, arfie. So much support and peace to you about this today.

I guess it's realistic to expect conflict in families. It usually happens. The important things are to not worry and to work it out when it does happen.

I think it's important to be aware of what's going on in you so you don't sabotage yourself. I can well imagine that you enjoy presenting a certain gruff exterior that keeps people at a certain safe distance - kids being no exception. (I speak from experience). My advice - not sure if it's solicited - is to think about your son getting closer, imagine things all warm and fuzzy between you, and deal with the feelings that come up. Otherwise, if something warm and fuzzy sneaks up on you you might reflexively squish it.

I'm so good at the self fulfilling professy stuff... I have a great technique to help with that, so it goes like this... You look for your fears, doubts, negative thoughts that repeat in your head and then you write them down...

I'm fearful I'm gonna have a big blowout with my son

Then you look for the POLAR OPPOSITE of this fear and write that out

I choose to receive peace in my relationship with my son

Now when the negative thought gets going in your brain and your feeling all the energy that it creates, you just choose to repeat the positive statement over and over instead of allowing those negative thoughts to fully form into words you just feel them but repeat your positive statement

I have done this in my darkest times recently and found that I am also good at self fulfilling professys of positivity as well as negativity

I have learned about how we are all filled with energy, and in a time of distress or fear our energy levels raise up... Creating a power point. This powerful moment is the best time to "manafest" our reality... So instead of allowing the intrusive negative thoughts to be at the forefront of our powerful moment, we replace them with the polar opposite positive thought and you will be amazed at what you can create with this powerful focusing tool.

For me I keep repeating...
I choose to receive healing miracles in my marriage, and anytime an uncomfortable or doubtful thought goes through my head I replace the words of the thought with

I choose to receive healing miracles In my marriage, and as crazy as it sounds my relationship has literally improved tremendously. It was a few short weeks ago my husband wanted a separation... And since then I've been repeating that positive mantra overe and over and I have watched my husband open up his heart to me, he has become a lot more affectionate, considerate, he laughs more, he communicates more, he is much more loving... And the most important, he is not trying to leave me...!!!

This is not the only time I have used this technique... I have worked other miracles in my life before with this... But I haven't done it in a while... I haven't even attempted to try it in the last three years since i was diagnosed with PTSD...

It's just that I tried it again during this last crisis I had which attcivated my PTSD and I found it to be exceptionally helpful at keeping the peace in my brain... I made it through this last batch of extremely high PTSD symptoms better than I have ever made it through before...

And it ismsomsimple... Just focus on the polar opposite of the negative thought and replace your negative thoughts with these positive mantras. I know you will receive the healing miracles you ask for, just like I have :)

So after this experiement

The morning's work has found me playing with my bicycle meditation. As I ride along, I can balance reflexively as twigs, curbs, slopes, mechanical beasts, cute puppies, middle aged sons and whatever other evering whats come into the path of my bicycle wheels.

Perhaps simple awareness is the balancing element???

Perhaps... Got me through the morning's work..

Great description, Lilly. Thank you. I especially love the addition of trying to balance somebody else's bicycle. Very, very fitting. A sure way to lose your own balance over a minor obstacle.