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Kesha's song, praying, hits me every time and they play it on the radio ALL THE TIME. I mean, it's a great song, but the fact that every single time I want to cry, not good. Especially when I'm at work. It brings back more memories.
It's true, there are some things only God can forgive. And abuse is one of them. For me it is. Maybe that isn't a very Christian thing to say, but quite frankly, no one went through the exact same situation I did, so no one has a damn right to judge me or tell me how to feel. I just feel like no matter how much time passes, I will never be able to forgive him for what he did to me. How he ruined everything. Turned me into a monster. Made me a freak. God I wish I could just give up already, but something still holds me here.
Anyway, here are the lyrics:
Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become
'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
I'm proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
'Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known
I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, oh
When I'm finished, they won't even know your name
You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
Ah sometimes, I pray for you at night, oh
Someday, maybe you'll see the light
Whoa oh oh oh, some say, in life, you're gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive
Yeah! (I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin')
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
But the amazing part is she came back on top and on fire. She's a truly gifted singer.
You are not a monster. You are not a freak. When you hear this song and think of what the singer went through, do you blame her, consider her less than because of it?
No because she did nothing wrong and the same goes for you. I know the song is triggering you but take a step back and look at the results. She overcame and she's stronger. I'm sure she has days where she feels like hell even now but we don't see that with people in the public eye.
You're stronger than you think and stronger than you give yourself credit for. The fact that you are still here means you are a fighter and capable of overcoming what happened in the past.
I suffer from PTSD from physical and emotional abuse and manipulation. I also have depression. I've been studying up on complex PTSD and I fit the profile. I'm using the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. This book opened up my eyes so much to understand things I wish I did years ago about my symptoms. It's free with Kindle Unlimited. It talks about emotional flash backs which apparently I have been dealing with for years but didn't know. I hope that helps.
You are so right. Thank you thank you thank you!
That song is number two on my spotify PTSD play list and believe it or not actually helps ground me if I play it loud enough. It has actually taken away the fuzzy edged world that threatens to take away my now sometimes.
I say, we all go at our own pace. but it is difficult when societies pace forces us to run along with them instead of at our own. Like simple things like stopping for a few groceries probably makes you feel overwhelmed if you are in the store and Kesha is being played at top volume on the over head speaker.
I have learned to take my earbuds, battery chargers and my cell phone w/ my spotify everywhere i go. it helps me stay at my pace.
triple hugs~
For me, forgiveness is letting go of the bitterness, resentment and victim mentality. It happened. I can't make it un-happen. A full, rich life is still available to me.