My personal definition of Faith is, "That which gets me out of bed on the days I have zero proof that anything is okay."

Got room in that hole for me? Don't forget the rock to pull over the top.

Prayering. . .

Hi. I understand and relate to this feeling. I often feel like this. I wish I had answers. Here to listen...

I recently made a small list of things I need to accomplish each day from as simple as taking the dog out to getting a complex work problem done and rewarding myself by listing what I did each night. It has helped

Trying to

I struggle with what you describe, Toughassteele, especially as an older person living alone with no family every holiday season. When I posted here about it Fall before last, a member here told me about keeping a Gratitude Journal.

Since I've had to overcome my own denial about my PTSD to get myself to real therapy for it, I'm not open to wishful thinking sugar coated pep talks. So I was really skeptical about this Gratitude Journal idea.

The fact that it came from another PTSD patient like myself here at DS PTSD, though, made me give it a very tentative trial run. I'm still keeping it two years later now. I may be wrong, but it seems to be helping.

The way I think it may be helping me is this. In therapy I've found out that PTSD hypervigilance actually was good for me growing up overseas in a combat zone. It gave me eyes in the back of my head to see danger better than others did. I could see bullets coming and dodged them and lived, they died.

Since surviving, though, I can't turn my hypervigilance off. It bombards me with the negative data of every room I enter, every day. It overwhelms me so much that I don't even want to get out of bed to face a day of my brain's negative messages.

This Gratitude Journal can't turn my PTSD hypervigilant brain off, nothing can. But it's sort of like growing another pair of positive eyes in the back of my head to balance out the negative images from the hypervigilant pair of eyes in the back of my head I grew from trauma survival.

How many eyes in the back of my head I can have room for is anybody's guess. But deliberately making myself write down one good thing I saw every day in a Gratitude Journal is helping me with feeling overwhelmed by my PTSD negativity every morning.

My PTSD hypervigilance overwhelms me with such massive negative observations that I begged my brain to give me just one break and let me have one single reason to get out of bed in the morning. What came back was just one, and it's not a very big one: breakfast.

I have become grateful every morning to my yesterday self for bothering to go to the grocery store for breakfast stuff. Coffee, waffles, frozen breakfast bowls. Syrup for my waffles, sweeteners for the coffee, hot sauce to spice up my breakfast bowls when they come out of the microwave. As a 60 year old bachelor on a cane who lives alone, I don't relish going to the grocery store after work at my uninspiring workplace to keep those supplies in my house.

However, knowing they're there is getting me out of bed in the morning as the one single positive reason to do so against the million negative good reasons not to. My Gratitude Journal is why I notice and care at all. So far it's working. I suggest trying it even if it sounds corny, small, and stupid. Let me know it if does anything for you at all. I didn't think it would for me, but for 2 years now it is seeming to so far.

Wow thank you I have thought about doing some journal writing but never started now. I did in the past but that is great to write down what is positive. Thank you for sharing

You are not alone in your thoughts/feelings re the holidays. For a lot of us it is something to grit your teeth and get through. It's certainly not like all the holiday commercials with people and their happy families, perfect homes and wonderful gifts, everyone smiling and getting along. So the first trick is not to fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has all that going on and you are left out. Journaling and listing things to be grateful for is certainly a big help, that way you can get a dose of reality and stay grounded. So anyone who has read my posts before knows that I have a dog and he plays a huge role in my wellness. It may be silly but I put a Christmas hat or sweater on him and when we are out and about people smile at him and stop to pet him. I see them smile and it has become a small thing for me to not dread the holidays quite so much. I actually look forward to it some. Praying you find joy in the littlest things. Also to you, mujicaptsd.

Big hug for you sweetie..... I don't have any family left really..... Some extended family that I seldom see so I hear you

Sometimes I give myself permission to just crawl into bed with a book and chill

Another hug and a blessing.....xo

Thank you all it means alot to have you all here.

Sure thing, Toughassteele. Life with trauma after trauma made me rather cynical,. I don't consider myself the most likely person in the world to be keeping a Gratitude Journal. I guess that's the point though, huh?