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I find myself using that phrase allot these days. It doesn't feel like a phrase I coined. Anybody have any clues where I got it from? I find myself using it in context to describe people who are using their personal blessings to invalidate their "negative" emotions.
examples:
* I shouldn't feel this way because I have nice things.
* I should count my blessings because I have never had to sleep on the streets.
* I shouldn't be mad at so-and-so because they buy me ice cream cones.
Anybody familiar with the concept? Did I steal it or am I lost in Wonderland again?
examples:
* I shouldn't feel this way because I have nice things.
* I should count my blessings because I have never had to sleep on the streets.
* I shouldn't be mad at so-and-so because they buy me ice cream cones.
Anybody familiar with the concept? Did I steal it or am I lost in Wonderland again?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
But i think that kind of thinking can come in handy from time to time
It said
DONT SHOULD ON YOURSELF
SO in re reading your post I think I understand it differently...
I see that if you feel that you SHOULD feel a certain way that is very invalidating...
It might be more constructive to say... I am happy because... Rather than I should be happy because... Because if your not happy your not happy... And all the money in the world can't buy you gratitude...
I like your bumper sticker. In a similar line is what I call, "Dancing With the Duhs."Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Well, Duh!!!" Some grammar nuts (like me) call Should Have, Would Have and Could Have, "The Modals of Lost Opportunity."
to me "I should be happy because of XYZ external factor" is definitely positively invalidating. It reminds me of my positive external state (home, food, etc.) but there's a connotation of shame for me in having a less-than-positive internal state at the same time. Like Roof Clothing Food means Abuse Pain Trauma are somehow "not so bad". I got this as a kid a lot, via my dad, and OMG, what a Charlie-foxtrot in the psyche.
Blessings and support,
Leo
Kind of reminds me of "affluenza" but with a different spin.
I remember when people would say to me, "It could be worse." To which I'd reply, "You're right; I could be on fire right now."
Comparing one's self to others who have it worse isn't a bad thing if it helps you snap out of a perseveration of bad things. But it's a dangerous game if it's a reason to deny self care...
Good topic.
Warm gentle hugs
I find and please help me out because I am a newbee to figuring anything out but the trauma brain is a pain. It makes me freak out over things that trigger ever so slightly the trauma and react strongly to a perceived fear, threat or outcome. So validating the feeling is helpful when I can point to the original source of the feeling. When this happened I felt abandoned. Now this is happening and it is triggering that feeling only my present reality is this. Although it feels the same it is not the same.
This is where I find the EMDR stuff helpful. I don't know what it is but my brain is on strike when it comes to new thoughts around the trauma. When I work with my counselor the stuck feelings are unstuck around the trauma and then new thoughts can finally break through the old seemingly immovable thought patterns. Where in; perspective is gained.