Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
My life has been really weird lately. I put most everything on hold for several years (5 actually) to get paid to get my Bachelor's Degree. While in the Vocational Rehabilitation program, I had to adhere to grand pretenses that all was well and I was getting better, both physically and mentally. Now that I am out of that program, I have been trying to take back my life, er first to get us out of this house filled with mold, then take back my life.
It has become quite apparent that after 6 months of trying to get the house packed, I am going to have to first get me under control before I can get us out of here. As I am not sure the roof will keep on this house until spring, I am fighting against myself AND time.
In a topic over at the Chronic Pain board, 51percent has given me some great advice! But it brings up questions that I would rather talk about here than there. They all boil down to the thought of do I work on getting my chronic pain under control or my PTSD under control first? Or is there a way to work on both at the same time?
I KNOW that my mental state has huge effects on my pain levels. I also KNOW that my pain effects my mental status. I am not sure I can work on one and not the other, which is what I have been trying to do. My focus has been on getting pain under control (I am confined to bed or a chair for up to 22 hours a day) with a focus on keeping my depression at bay. This was not horrible, but giving up my meds for mental issues has been taking a tole. It is probably time to go back on them.
I WAS on 60mg of Prozac and 4mg of Clonabepam a day. So an antidepressant and a tranquilizer. To get back on them will take up to 2 months as the Dr is booked 4 to 6 weeks out. I can make an apt tomorrow while I am at the VA hospital for my Pain Management apt. I can't get therapy - the VA give priority to combat vets, is far away, and I have no $$ for private pay. The same goes for physical therapy.
So here is my main line of thinking... I can remember WHY I have PTSD if I want to - but it will cause several days of panic attacks and put me in absolute agony with my back. I have done every thing I can to forget what happened in '96/'97. Just typing this out has me shaking.. and I have no tranquilizers to stop it.
I can't get all the way well until I face that. I understand that, from being here. But I am not sure I have the TIME to DEAL with that right now. I HAVE to keep functioning enough to get this house packed. Tarps over the roof have only gained us a limited amount of time. I have been told by a roofing specialist that my roof is no longer safe to climb on to put more tarps. We are in danger of the whole roof caving in on us.
So here is my catch 22. The Pain Management doctors keep screwing with my medications, which has cut my ability to even move to almost nothing. It was them who took me off the tranquilizers as I am also on opiates for my crushed spine. (oh, and I am pretty sure that is causing more PTSD as I can no longer remember the incident). This puts me in tons of pain, enough that there are several days a week I hurt too much to stand up. BUT I can't get my pain all the way under control without getting my mind under control... but doing that is something I had never planned on doing. I locked down those memories with no intention of ever revisiting them.
51percent suggested meditation - which I think is a great place to start. I try to do stretching and physical therapy on my own as much as pain will allow me to, which has not been enough lately.
I am not in a good place right now. I will be happier once my horse is closer. He is my ticket to being calmer emotionally and a lot of physical exercise that is zero impact.
I am not sure if there was a question in all of this. I am not sure of anything right now. thanks for reading! hugs to all! I love you guys.
It has become quite apparent that after 6 months of trying to get the house packed, I am going to have to first get me under control before I can get us out of here. As I am not sure the roof will keep on this house until spring, I am fighting against myself AND time.
In a topic over at the Chronic Pain board, 51percent has given me some great advice! But it brings up questions that I would rather talk about here than there. They all boil down to the thought of do I work on getting my chronic pain under control or my PTSD under control first? Or is there a way to work on both at the same time?
I KNOW that my mental state has huge effects on my pain levels. I also KNOW that my pain effects my mental status. I am not sure I can work on one and not the other, which is what I have been trying to do. My focus has been on getting pain under control (I am confined to bed or a chair for up to 22 hours a day) with a focus on keeping my depression at bay. This was not horrible, but giving up my meds for mental issues has been taking a tole. It is probably time to go back on them.
I WAS on 60mg of Prozac and 4mg of Clonabepam a day. So an antidepressant and a tranquilizer. To get back on them will take up to 2 months as the Dr is booked 4 to 6 weeks out. I can make an apt tomorrow while I am at the VA hospital for my Pain Management apt. I can't get therapy - the VA give priority to combat vets, is far away, and I have no $$ for private pay. The same goes for physical therapy.
So here is my main line of thinking... I can remember WHY I have PTSD if I want to - but it will cause several days of panic attacks and put me in absolute agony with my back. I have done every thing I can to forget what happened in '96/'97. Just typing this out has me shaking.. and I have no tranquilizers to stop it.
I can't get all the way well until I face that. I understand that, from being here. But I am not sure I have the TIME to DEAL with that right now. I HAVE to keep functioning enough to get this house packed. Tarps over the roof have only gained us a limited amount of time. I have been told by a roofing specialist that my roof is no longer safe to climb on to put more tarps. We are in danger of the whole roof caving in on us.
So here is my catch 22. The Pain Management doctors keep screwing with my medications, which has cut my ability to even move to almost nothing. It was them who took me off the tranquilizers as I am also on opiates for my crushed spine. (oh, and I am pretty sure that is causing more PTSD as I can no longer remember the incident). This puts me in tons of pain, enough that there are several days a week I hurt too much to stand up. BUT I can't get my pain all the way under control without getting my mind under control... but doing that is something I had never planned on doing. I locked down those memories with no intention of ever revisiting them.
51percent suggested meditation - which I think is a great place to start. I try to do stretching and physical therapy on my own as much as pain will allow me to, which has not been enough lately.
I am not in a good place right now. I will be happier once my horse is closer. He is my ticket to being calmer emotionally and a lot of physical exercise that is zero impact.
I am not sure if there was a question in all of this. I am not sure of anything right now. thanks for reading! hugs to all! I love you guys.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
Breathing meditation seems to open up damage. Which can be good, BUT, not when there is a pressing crisis.
Unsafe housing is a pressing crisis, I think.
An antidepressant is not a benzodiazepine. The antidepressant alone might help some? I would get the head med.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/pain-medications/art-20045647
Interesting article, that-tricyclic antidepressants help with pain, apparently!
I have heard that the antidepressants as well as the tranquilizers have pain reducing qualities. I am not sure I have seen them, but I have heard of them.
So I think I have come to a bit of a plan. I am going to start meditation and defiantly the chanting. I don't do well with my mind open. I am also going to expand my stretching and home PT.
Is there a way you can sort certain area's and set them aside as ok for people you trust or are a little comfortable with to help you pack? Maybe a garage sale to lighten the load or having a donation pick up? The crisis would come first for me, so possibly stretching before the packing/sorting and after followed by a meditation if that helps you?
I'd stick with self-directed self-care on both counts, because I've found that gentle stretching and meditation is good for *both* body and mind.
Just know we're here, we understand, and big supportive vibes to you, Yadim:-)
Oh of I could get someone in here to help me pack, I would be finished by now! Apparently all those teens who I spend thousands of dollars on so they could keep my daughter company at conventions and events do not feel the obligation to come help, even when I offer payment. They are all now 20 somethings and starting families, or like my daughter, enjoying being 20 something.
I really want to thank all of you. It is here that I have figured out that to move forward I am going to have to face my demons.
TW!!!
When I went to take a nap last night (I am supposed to be on nocturnal hours but failing) I purposefully opened up those locked doors and let myself remember the misdiagnosed etopic pregnancy, the doctor screaming at me that I was faking being ill to get out of my duty. of being in so much pain that hyperventilating no longer let me pass out, the doctors trying to have my husband arrested for beating me, the emergency surgery once they figured out what was wrong, the 18 hour work days after to 'punish' me for faking. the partial miscarriage three months later, the emergency D&C with no anestesa, and hemorrhaging for weeks.
It still hurts, but I remembered it.
If that makes any sense...
On the meditation note, in addition to using meditation for symptom management, I also find it quite useful in making decisions like this one. The best answer for your unique dynamics is in there. Gentle support while you sort.
One of the first line treatments for mild-or-moderate pain tends to BE antidepressants. Sometimes, they help the pain directly. Sometimes, they help with the depression that so often accompanies pain. Sometimes, they can just interrupt that vicious cycle of pain>depression>worse pain>worse depression.
I know your pain is beyond mild-to-moderate, but ..... I wouldn't be surprised if re-starting Prozac made a dent in it.
One dynamic I see a LOT on this forum is people starting/stopping/adjusting their meds without consulting the prescribing physician.
We shouldn't. We really shouldn't.
I know we KNOW this, but ... it bears repeating.
I don't know anybody ... with ANY kind of illness ... who says, "I LOVE that I have to take pills !!"
LOL !
But if and when we have to .... we probably have to, and probably should, and should really not tinker _on our own_.
I hope you find relief, soon. Pain and any other kind of emotional stresses -- in MY body -- are horribly, profoundly, inextricably linked.
Wish they weren't, but ... there you go :-)
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Psychologist Abraham Maslow defined basic human needs as a hierarchy, a progression from simple physical needs to more complex emotional needs.
Types of Needs.
Physiological--food, shelter, water, sleep, oxygen.
Safety--security, stability, order, physical safety.
Love and belonging--affection, identification, companionship.
Esteem and recognition--self-esteem, self-respect, prestige, success, esteem of others.
Self-actualization--self-fulfilment, achieving one's own capabilities.
Aesthetic--beauty, harmony, spiritual.
Relationship Between Levels of Needs.
According to Maslow, the basic physiological needs related to survival (food, water, etc.) must be met first of all.
These basic physiological needs have a greater priority over those higher on the pyramid. They must be met before the person can move on to higher level needs. In other words, a person who is starving will not be concentrating on building his self-esteem. A patient in severe pain will not be concerned with improving his interpersonal relationships.
Generally speaking, each lower level must be achieved before the next higher level(s) can be focused upon.
Remember that human needs are not constant; they are fluid and changing with first one, then another, taking priority. What may start as a basic need for food can take on social and personal significance.
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I just typed in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and HEAPS of professional discussion on using this as a decision making framework so could be an idea worth exploring.
I know for me personally I often over-ride my basic needs, food, water, shelter, freedom from physical pain... and chase after higher needs but I am in the process of rethinking THAT... slowing down and doing the As first??? wow, that would involve a radical shift in thinking for me... arghhh! But I'm pretty sure my ptsd might thank me for being so sensible. The main reason I'm thinking this IS a good idea is... ptsd is often triggered by feeling "unsafe" (safety, belonging, esteem levels)... if I DON'T have my BASIC physiological needs sorted and prioritised I don't have a solid FOUNDATION for dealing with "higher" needs...
Hope this is helpful in some way. It seems to suggest that making sure you have food, water, shelter, and pain minimised are the most important, fundamental, priorities : )