Either the first or second week after New Year's, I'm going to make a trip to enchanted rock.
I want to spend a day out there clearing my head.

Maybe a day somewhere peaceful?
Weather's supposed to be not too bad the next few days...

Bee Queen, if someone came into my house with a real live non-metaphorical gun, I'd take cover So maybe take cover. It is not the time for combat, but for strategic withdrawal, IMO. Been here done similar. Invent a reason for a trip to a rural B&B where all you need to do for two days is sit and stare at dust. Whatever it takes. I myself usually suck it up and mirror Hubby's words until he realizes he's gone all flippy-weird-a-hole, but sometimes that marital therapy trick doesn't work, and I just gotta retreat till he's done snapping and popping like bad fireworks, and let him find me.

Just my feline experience....

Sorry to ramble, very tired.

Blessings and support to you:-)

hug

Hugs sweetie! It definitely sounds like he's stressing out and you are copping the over-flow... A strategic withdrawal sounds like it COULD be a good idea!

It can be hard not to engage and fight back when someone is being unreasonable... but there IT is... they aren't thinking/feeling/acting from a place of REASON, argh. Communicating with them is unlikely to have any affect other than to incite them to... lash out more.

But there is also another way of looking at this...

No matter what a person does/doesn't do... they still deserve to be communicated with in an open manner. That means both parties speak and LISTEN... If someone is stuck on SPEAK and has no intention of taking anything you say into consideration then any words you say quite literally are falling on deaf ears, no slight intended to the deaf!

Now that is where these things get really interesting because physically deaf people often struggle with no-one listening to them. They don't feel like people HEAR them. And people don't... As soon as someone thinks, "This person can't hear me, communicating with this person is going to be hard work..." they lose interest and wander off to find someone easier to talk to...

So there are two things from that

1. When someone is "deaf" and trying to communicate they really NEED someone to listen. They need to feel they are being heard, acknowledged, listened to...

2. The quickest way to get someone to stop speaking to you is to act like you can't hear them : ( sulk, give a cold shoulder... walk off

I can't say which way is better... without knowing if your hubby IS a normally reasonable person just going through a bad patch or if he's a raging tyrant who deserves to be shunned

Staying, acknowledging, listening until he feels heard, calms down and his ears begin to open...?

Retreating to prevent him being unreasonable and minimising his opportunities to hurt you with unkind words...??

People get into patterns of behaviour some of them are not the least bit helpful and need changing... I think from memory psychologists call them "scripts"... One person does something and the other person responds as if from a script... They go round and round in circles until they get to their typical conclusion and the scene finishes... until the next time... ad infinitum. That is a horrible way to go though life... Stepping OUT of the script and choosing a potentially better outcome... very difficult!

HUGS sweetie I can't stand irrationally aggressive people but I'm thinking that instead of always retreating to safety I might try HEARINGwhat they are saying AND gently, positively standing up for myself... omg, just the thought of that stresses ME! argh

PS: Don't stay and listen to drunk people they are just spouting a whole lot of dribble... and THAT is a whole different story I might amuse you with another day... it is a shocker, that one, lol

I retreated to rock raking around the water garden. It has a ring of landscaping rocks around it which have sunk into the mud. I dedicated the morning to lifting the rocks out of the mud. I channeled my nervous energy into stick exercises with the tine hoe whenever he came out to snipe at me. "Yes, dear."

Yes, friends, I did manage to keep my tines to myself...

Late morning he came out and announced, "I don't think I want to go to Houston for Christmas."

"Yes, dear."

Tension gone. At least for now. We went out for a nice, relaxing lunch. Even did some shopping... Bought the grandson two new sets of wheels.

DS, I think we have breakthrough...

HUGS sweetie... so calmly waiting him out worked... cool : )

I was also going to say when this is happening to me I usually try to agree or nod my head and say nothing and find a place I can get away.

((hugs))

Glad you had a breakthrough. The holiday alone can bring tension. Then there have been all the other things you named building up. Much gentleness to you!