I should explain...this would entail me making considerably more money, hiring UK legal representation, emigrating, marrying him, and getting a job there.
BIG hurdles. HUGE. If the hurdles were not there though...do I love him that much? I think so.

hugs

I am so not the one to help with this... I met my hubby when I was 18 years old. We had a couple classes together in Junior College. Then his car died a final death and my truck burned out its starter. In order for us to get to college, it took him push starting my truck. By sheer virtue of needing to get to class, we had to be together. That was almost 30 years ago. Sometimes it has been bumpy, but he is my best friend. We have a wonderful 23 year old daughter and he is my life.

Hugs and good luck

Wow! This is big news! I guess that visit went pretty well indeed. Maybe it was meant to be. My first thought is, can he give you any commitment as far as not killing himself? I don't want you to have the stress of living with a time bomb.

How is this off topic, blue? Sounds like HUGE stuff in the PTSD baggage car.

In a case like this, I feel like I should congratulate you on being scared. It shows you are paying attention. It is a big deal, even without the immigration stresses.

Gentle support while you sort, blue. Keep us posted.

He is committed to at least not offing himself until my next trip over...I felt like asking for a huge time commitment on that would be asking too much?
He's trying to get a part-time job...0.o. This may be good.

I mean, he really makes me happy, even given the outrageous stress I was under on the trip... So do I feel strongly enough about him to try?
Yeah.
We've been talking for four years now, and the feeling has been there for a long time.

Am I remembering right that you have mostly known him over the internet and have only had a vacation's worth of physical exposure to him?

There's no hurry. U can work towards it but don't feel u have to rush anything. What would happen about your girlfriend?

I echo the crowd that says take it slow. If you have to emigrate, etc.? There's a *lot* involved in that, very stressful, and it's a slow process of itself. Would you marry him with the goal of becoming a UK citizen? Officially? So.... it's a lot of stress that could be very bad for you both. Also, you've seen him in person *once*. I knew hubby for years before dating, so I saw how he really acted in person with others under a *lot* of situations---break-ups with his old girlfriend, his parents' divorce, etc. --- and witnessing that in person is a lot different, for me, than what you see on a vacation.

It's a tough call.

Purrs of support whatever you decide.

Change can be a good thing. But I'd take it slow and think hard about how the new habitat will effect you. I made a move from a metropolitan city to a somewhat smaller city figuring it wasn't that big of a difference and I hate my new surroundings. You don't live on love alone. What is the job market like there for you? Will being a foreigner be a disadvantage to getting employment? Housing is quite a bit different there too. Usually smaller living spaces. There's just a lot of cultural differences. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but you have to figure out if you can live with those things. Will you be able to get the mental health support you need there? In the form of access to Drs., therapists if you find you need them for support during the transition phase? You need to make sure you'll be able to take care of your needs. You have lots to think about. In the end only you will be able to make the decision.

My big worries about moving there?

-getting a decent job there...complicated.

- being allowed to emigrate, it's not as simple as " just get married.". I have to be making about 32 k a year here...and sans that a marriage license does not matter.

-accessing mental healthcare that does not suck: the mental healthcare he gets has damn near killed him, and I get better here through the county indigent care service. Which REALLY says a lot. So I need insurance there.

...getting to where I could move there will open up a lot of other opportunities for me, so it's not a bad goal in itself. TBH, I am not 100% liking that country...either.
I have reservations about bringing him to the United States...i'm afraid he'd commit suicide by cop, TBH. I'd have to have some solid indicator that would not happen. That even if he can get allowed in. He is thinking he'd not get clearance to get into the US.

I note that Uruguay is fairly easy to emigrate to...maybe he and I could save up, move there, and open a school teaching English to Spanish-speakers. I'd have to learn more than my execrable Spanish, but I can probably figure it out given a few years and some hard work.

...freaking out over something that might happen...in 5 YEARS...is not logical, yanno...
...just...it's a big challenge. I finally have to stop goofing around and DO SOMETHING with my life, and I'm coming out of a mental breakdown 4 years ago.
I have to determine that I am not going to rattle apart, no matter what.

Over 5 years seems very reasonable.

Like the 5-year goal idea. Whatever you need for both of you, okay? I have in-laws in the UK, and when they visit here, it's a big shocker all around. So maybe a few visits back and forth, get a feel for it all? You have time. No one's putting ga deadline on it. Gentlest support.