Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
amends
mendz/
noun
plural noun: amends
def: reparation or compensation.
I am still dissociating when I think of getting close to my tool box. I still haven't given in to the avoidance tactic of hiring out the work. I still feel like I am on a healing track because I am still staying active and productive with the traditional household chores which comfort me when my Engineering Puppet Show starts harassing me to my current dissociated state. "Be patient with the process," I keep telling myself. Small bites and long chews.
I get to enjoy the company of my beloved this weekend. He will be here later tonight. As I attempt to disregard the puppet show and focus on "reading my own sheet of music," I find my notes circling the efforts my husband has put into making amends during this entire Bee Experiment. It has not been the usual, "Geez, I said I am sorry. When ya just gonna drop it?" or the also usual "Driving Wifey to Help" routine of trying to fix me. It has been a quiet, compassionate listening as I have puzzled my way through the blockages and conflicts in my own heart and between my own ears. It has been a confidence building encouragement to work it out on my own. Still no Magic Just Wand, but it feels right.
Anybody have any have any insights on opening up to someone attempting to make amends?
mendz/
noun
plural noun: amends
def: reparation or compensation.
I am still dissociating when I think of getting close to my tool box. I still haven't given in to the avoidance tactic of hiring out the work. I still feel like I am on a healing track because I am still staying active and productive with the traditional household chores which comfort me when my Engineering Puppet Show starts harassing me to my current dissociated state. "Be patient with the process," I keep telling myself. Small bites and long chews.
I get to enjoy the company of my beloved this weekend. He will be here later tonight. As I attempt to disregard the puppet show and focus on "reading my own sheet of music," I find my notes circling the efforts my husband has put into making amends during this entire Bee Experiment. It has not been the usual, "Geez, I said I am sorry. When ya just gonna drop it?" or the also usual "Driving Wifey to Help" routine of trying to fix me. It has been a quiet, compassionate listening as I have puzzled my way through the blockages and conflicts in my own heart and between my own ears. It has been a confidence building encouragement to work it out on my own. Still no Magic Just Wand, but it feels right.
Anybody have any have any insights on opening up to someone attempting to make amends?
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
((((((((((((((((((((Thank you rotti))))))))))))))))
Not important. I found my new love...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W33zlZOej9M&index=3&list=PL583A232CA2DA4923
"As I walked out of the door towards my freedom, I knew that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred, and bitterness behind I would still be in prison."--Nelson Mandela
And this one may be over used, but the sentiment is there when I need to be reminded, and I read it frequently to meditate on.
1 Corinthians 3
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=ESV
And the St. Francis Prayer
http://www.easwaran.org/the-prayer-of-st-francis.html
I know the last two are religious, but even looked at from a secular perspective they are good thoughts.
Whatever you choose to do, and how you want to address the situation, I send my support. I know it is difficult. Hope it is a lovely weekend for you.
I couldn't do it for my abuser, the most I can do there is let go of the past, and accepting it. For people I love though, I follow the above rule. At the same time, holding grudges or being angry is not a part of my personality. I just don't have that in me.When I forgive someone, I expect them to mean it and not do it again, but I am not sure I find compensation important. That is just me though. What you need out of it may be different, and equally valid.
Forgiveness is a gift, trust is earned.
I think of amends as outward signs of remorse that only count if the remorse is sincere, and society can be slow to trust that it is true and not a "gimmick". Speaking as one who struggles to make amends and break the bad patterns, I try to view the process as the goal, fwiw. both in myself and others. so i contribute that thought.