Hi lila, here listening to oldies. The day is sunny. How I get through groups is to take along my camera. Then as I focus, the either move, mug, or I catch a glimpse of what's going on in their mind with a click.

It's hard when we seem to be attracted to some that we are used to, but the patterns of that are only from bad influences. Change the scene if you can. Like today there is a gallery walk in my city,. Wit my love of art I go just to be surrounded by people with a like mind. Also my sister is making a trip to town, her laughter is contagious. Doing both will definitely be a stress, but I know I need it.

Do something just for you. not to belong but to feed a part of you that is starving.

Hugs Jewells.

You are aware of it. At the risk of over-simplifying, that can make all the diff. Did this post have any impact on the regression?

Habits are a double edge sword. On one edge, habits provide structure. On the other edge, they keep me from moving forward. Balance in all things. To allow myself shape and form while also allowing growth and flexibility...

gentle hugs and healing hopes, Lila.

I am fighting some bad bad old patterns of thinking righ tnow.... behavior is easier for me to manage, but my headspace? Eff it.... I can't get away from it, and I can't seem to stop thinking some negative stuff.

Give your soul a big cool drink of water iwth something that is restful and healing to you, and for you alone. I'm heading outside to sit in the sun under my pine tree and smell all the little wildflowers in the grass....

Gentle healing,
Leo

It got my attention that you wrote "Due to my extreme fear of being around groups of people, I am finding myself reaching out to individuals who are not healthy for me whatsoever"

Seems to be a common practice many of us here have fallen into. Longing to belong, we see ourselves as group misfits, and then give ourselves to those who would have us. Turns out it's not always for good reasons.

The fact that you know it, first of all, and posted about it to a group, second off all, tells me that it is changing for you. Keep it going.

I have to agree with everyone, Muji totally hit it on the head, we have all most likely done it.
After my divorce I was okish, after the first 6 months of being alone and not having friends I started bar hopping, I was making friends, but not the best ones. Friends that would pay for my drinks to get my drunk (luckily I never went home with any of them) friends that smoked pot with me. I started getting back into old habits I had been doing to cope with my past of my childhood.
Now I just try to hop on here and talk, read, and learn from others, helps me when I feel down or lonely, the people here are great.

Gero- Yep. Been there; done that.

Afraid to be rejected by the masses to confirm the negative messages I heard as a child, so I'd do things to make the groups tolerable.

Hated being alone in my own head, so filled it with bad pass times.

I still don't like groups, so I stay away, not self medicate. And I've come to learn to love myself, so the alone time to me is now a huge treat to myself and I take myself on "dates," even if it's dinner and a movie at home!

Alone and happy is better than hooked up and miserable.