SW, sorry if that was a bad turn of phrase---as a rape survivor, I've come across the "conspiracy" mindset where "all men are evil" and as I said, I find that as absurd as I do "all women are evil", and I didn't mean to say you think that way. I was just rambling, I apologize. I do that at night, I get tired.

As for rare---not that rare, maybe? Nothing funny about bullying, mind-f**king, any pain-causing. Nothing okay about it. Don't care if it's in your face, on Facebook, whatever.

BTW, my aunt committed homicide, and is suspected of another one, both victims her immediate family. Believe me, I *know* gender is irrelevant. Evil is evil, wrong is wrong.

I in fact can't stand female therapists. I fear them more than males.

So you do have some solidarity out here in the world, and my good wishes for your well-being.

I need to add, in Arfie's wake, that I reported my *female* neighbor to children's services because of her verbal abuse of her three sons (under age 7). I won't say I'm crusading, but if I see it.... I'm saying it.

(I absolutely refuse cape and tights. I can't even leap a small twig, I dare not attempt anything larger.)

Not trying to sound rude, but in my personal experience whenever I have seen or heard a girl/woman say anything along the lines of be actively/vocally against these types of abuse and cruelty I find out that they actually practice quite the opposite (maybe around ~90% of cases).

I'm not saying all of these particular individuals are flat out lying (some of them even seem somehow clueless that their abusive actions are abusive). However, enough of them turn around and start doing the very thing they claim they're against that I now hold to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words.

Well, SW, I do not know the women you've met. And you don't know me. So you can believe my words, as I choose to believe yours, or you can decide that my words mean I'm one more (fill in blank). Whatever, whichever, doesn't stop my hope that you find healing and recovery.

Thank you for providing me with insight into an aspect of my own standards for judging people, self included.

Cheers and healing to you,
Leo

I know there are plenty if women here that aren't secretly abusive and who don't condone abuse committed by anyone.

That doesn't really bring me any comfort or ease of mind outside of DS though. My abusers don't suddenly realize that what they are doing is wrong and stop. The people around me in my daily life don't change either. I'm still expected to just take the abuse and say nothing about it just because I'm a guy.

People around DS keep telling me that will or are improving in society regarding this kind of abuse being tolerated, but everytime I look in the news online there are more stories either showing it getting worse or the people trying to bring awareness to the issue being chastized for daring to speak up about it.

Continuing to not feel all that great or optimistic for things to improve anytime soon.

Tried looking up articles about advocacy groups who actively work to combat the abuse issues I've faced (or at the very least speak out about the issues to raise awareness). The results were not as uplifting as one might think though. Most of what turned up were articles from various news publications and sites railing at any groups who do that and denouncing them as all sorts of nasty things. The articles that weren't overtly hostile were generally very condescending and dismissive of the issues being advocated about by the groups.


Is it really too much to want a source of support outside of DS?

Since I do not know the details of your abuse, what kind you suffered, or at whose hands, it's difficult to make any recommendations. That said, and without knowing what exact movements/advocacy you're referring to, I'd recommend that you may want to find suggestions from groups that focus more on abuse of juveniles (I don't now your age now, or when the abuse occurred), and survivors of abuse as juveniles, if that applies.

As I said, not knowing anything of your situation, that's the best I can think to recommend, other than seeking counseling in general.

Healing hopes as always

I feel as though I've said this quite a few times now.

I've been subjected to emotional, psychological (and to a very minor extent a few instances of physical) abuse from early childhood all the way up to the present (I am nearly 30 now). The abuse has been committed almost exclusively by women. Frequently from my own mother, but just as often it has been from random girls/women I haven encountered and/or gone to school with.

The dichotomy between how most females and most males have treated and behaved around me throughout my life has been so significant that from high school through most of college I had come to believe that I there must be something about me that just made my presence somehow inherently repulsive or offensive to all women given the nature of the abuse.

I don't know if it's just been because of where I live or if this abuse would have happened to the same extent regardless of where I grew up.


As for the advocacy groups I searched for articles about, I was looking for groups that try to raise awareness of various forms of abuse committed against men by women.

Big hug of comfort for you SW... I know the disorientation as well and it's a lousy feeling to have.. I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place right now.... I do think revisiting the trauma without good support can have painful results at times

I really feel for my American friends here who don't have insurance... We are so blessed....I didn't realize how good I had it until I came to DS..

I don't know how to help you however you have my blessing, friendship and support...and if I can help in any small way I am here.. Gentle hug of comfort for you...x

SW, you may have said it before, but I don't presume my memory is all that great, and I was not intending to offend.

Have you considered victim advocacy in general? Rather than specific to your situation? You may discover a great deal of support through such groups. Sounds odd to you, I'm sure, but speaking from my sorry-butt experience? A group of women hurt by men who only allow into the room other women hurt by men? Is a great way to cultivate anger. Admitting a man to that group? Can cultivate *progress*. In my experience. Helped many of us heal and get past anger in the rape victim support group I was in during college.

Feel free to flush or ignore, whichever, and healing hopes as always to you.

I'll see if I can find any information on more generic victim advocacy groups. Maybe there might actually be some out there that also help male abuse victims.

Part of the reason I narrowed my search to ones that focus more on male victims is that there doesn't seem to be much support for men from most shelters or domestic abuse advocacy groups. Plenty of articles on why that is though.

I even found articles about a study that was done on the subject of abused men seeking assistance from the advicates at shelters and hotlines. What the study found was that in most cases the men were refused any help and were often ridiculed or told things like "they deserved the abuse", that they must be making it up since "women can't be the abuser, or were even accused of being the abusive one and of trying to hide their actions by falsely claiming to be the victim. In the instances where the men where actually given "assistance" it was usually just a referal to a homeless shelter or to a batterer's program for abusive men.

https://nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/3977-researcher-what-hap-3977

This is why I chose to narrow my search to victim advocacy groups that specialize in helping abused men. Especially in more areas than just cases of leaving physically abusive spouses or dealing with having been sexually abused as children (since neither of these is what I need help in). Most of the abuse advocacy groups I have found online seem to focus almost exclusively on those subjects, but not on other types and situations of abuse.

Seek outside the online world, maybe?

Deleted long paragraph here on the fact a lot of people at volunteer centers and on hotlines seem to be stuck in black-white-us-them-no-compromise thinking.... Dangerous stuff in any situation. To be avoided, IMHO, as much as possible. In my experience, anyway.

Why not look around at local hospitals, boys-girls clubs, etc.? Troubled youth programs? that kind of thing? If you think it wouldn't be triggering? Advocate for young victims to speak out---protect the young---the way we weren't protected? Help others recognized the warning signs that mean there's non-physical abuse at play?

Just an idea. It's where I hope to focus my efforts someday, some way. So that's why I bring it up.

Whatever you choose, good luck, and good fortune go with you.

I went over this before when I spent a couple of months sifting through every conceivable assistance program and service available where I live. Due to major budget cuts and the governor of my state refusing to accept any federal aid for political reasons there are next to no programs available for helping people with disabilities and similar issues. There is also an ongoing problem in my state with a massive number of peoplecwith mental health issues and nowhere remotely near enough services available to those who need them. The few shelters that are still able to stay open are constantly filled beyond capacity as a result if these problems in my state.

ditto my state... a state senator could not even get psych help for his kid here, it was a nightmare.
We have a few programs left, but all are quite small. it is why i have thought of boysgirls club... the Y.... that is about all our county has now to help kids get away from bad home situations without resorting to drugs or flat out running away. The womens shelter and sexual assault center both vanished due to politicized BS, and for adults, only the salvation Army remains. And they are swamped.

peace,
leo