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As far back as I can remember, my dad would harass me into doing what he wanted. The conversation goes like this:
Him: "Do you want to go to the State Fair on Saturday?"
Me: "No thanks. I want to relax at home."
Him: "You can relax at the fair."
Me: "I just don't feel like going."
Him: "That's not a good reason."
When I finally broke down and said I would go, he said, "Well, only if you're sure you want to."
He would go back and forth with me on the issue for days until I finally caved and did what he wanted. After 6 or 7 years of this, I just said yes to anything he wanted to do just to shut him up as soon as possible. I was a captive audience until I was out of the house at 18 years old.
The nonstop part is that he still does this. He asks and asks. I blocked his phone number, deleted all my social media, sent his letters back "Return to Sender". He showed up at my apartment once and literally put his foot in the doorway when I opened the door and told me to hear him out. Then he started talking and just didn't stop until I agreed with what he said and agreed to do what he was asking me to do. I didn't actually do what I agreed to do. I just didn't show up on the day he picked to do whatever it was he wanted to do. I don't even remember now. It wasn't important and still isn't.
So he came knocking on my door again to complain about me lying to him and not showing up. I never opened the door. He knocked for almost 10 minutes...came back later and knocked more...then came back again and knocked more. He even parked outside in front of my apartment for awhile. I assume he was waiting for me to come out so he could start talking to me and follow me back inside....which he has done before.
My problem is how to stop him. The temporary restraining order didn't stop him. I contacted police when he violated it and they said they couldn't do anything. I told him to stop then yelled at him to stop. Nothing works.
Does anyone know a good technique to deal with nonstop harassment? My older brother and sister-in-law do the same kind of thing to me. I get scared, frustrated, and angry and don't know what to do. Last time I saw my dad I told him I hope he gets struck by lightning or has a heart attack or gets hit by a city bus. I also told him I want to hear about his death as soon as it happens so I can finally relax. I get no reaction from saying those things. I've told him I don't like him, I don't love him, I think he's cruel, judgmental, selfish, ugly, and fat. Years ago when I ran into he and his 3rd wife at a restaurant, I started walking away. I left the building. When they followed me trying to get my attention I called his wife names...in front of him...in public...while continuing to walking away. He didn't stop.
I went to an electronic store across the street and went into the bathroom, my dad followed me into the men's room and talked to me through the stall door where I was sitting on the toilet. I reported him to the police. Nothing happened. I reported him to the court for violating the restraining order. Nothing happened.
I don't want to hurt him but I feel like that's all I can do to keep him away from me. It's gotten so bad that I have considered divorcing my wife so she doesn't have to go through this with me.
Him: "Do you want to go to the State Fair on Saturday?"
Me: "No thanks. I want to relax at home."
Him: "You can relax at the fair."
Me: "I just don't feel like going."
Him: "That's not a good reason."
When I finally broke down and said I would go, he said, "Well, only if you're sure you want to."
He would go back and forth with me on the issue for days until I finally caved and did what he wanted. After 6 or 7 years of this, I just said yes to anything he wanted to do just to shut him up as soon as possible. I was a captive audience until I was out of the house at 18 years old.
The nonstop part is that he still does this. He asks and asks. I blocked his phone number, deleted all my social media, sent his letters back "Return to Sender". He showed up at my apartment once and literally put his foot in the doorway when I opened the door and told me to hear him out. Then he started talking and just didn't stop until I agreed with what he said and agreed to do what he was asking me to do. I didn't actually do what I agreed to do. I just didn't show up on the day he picked to do whatever it was he wanted to do. I don't even remember now. It wasn't important and still isn't.
So he came knocking on my door again to complain about me lying to him and not showing up. I never opened the door. He knocked for almost 10 minutes...came back later and knocked more...then came back again and knocked more. He even parked outside in front of my apartment for awhile. I assume he was waiting for me to come out so he could start talking to me and follow me back inside....which he has done before.
My problem is how to stop him. The temporary restraining order didn't stop him. I contacted police when he violated it and they said they couldn't do anything. I told him to stop then yelled at him to stop. Nothing works.
Does anyone know a good technique to deal with nonstop harassment? My older brother and sister-in-law do the same kind of thing to me. I get scared, frustrated, and angry and don't know what to do. Last time I saw my dad I told him I hope he gets struck by lightning or has a heart attack or gets hit by a city bus. I also told him I want to hear about his death as soon as it happens so I can finally relax. I get no reaction from saying those things. I've told him I don't like him, I don't love him, I think he's cruel, judgmental, selfish, ugly, and fat. Years ago when I ran into he and his 3rd wife at a restaurant, I started walking away. I left the building. When they followed me trying to get my attention I called his wife names...in front of him...in public...while continuing to walking away. He didn't stop.
I went to an electronic store across the street and went into the bathroom, my dad followed me into the men's room and talked to me through the stall door where I was sitting on the toilet. I reported him to the police. Nothing happened. I reported him to the court for violating the restraining order. Nothing happened.
I don't want to hurt him but I feel like that's all I can do to keep him away from me. It's gotten so bad that I have considered divorcing my wife so she doesn't have to go through this with me.
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
Gentle hugs and support.
We are here vent as needed and at least here..be heard.
J.
They will pop up *anywhere* at *any* time and bring allllll that baggage with them. I can go a decade free and hten? Wham! WTF?
I hate it. Always have. I've spent my life since age 24 (dad died) not being in contact, and they keep crawling into my life. Nothing works. I *Hate* this feeling. I'm just glad their kids (my cousins) agree with me that all our parents are sick and/or nuts and/or poisonous, and have also scattered to the four winds in hopes of never being found again. We dont' even stay in otuch with *each other* .... Just In Case.... That's how bad it is/was.
Honestly? I got nothing but "WOw, that's a scary pattern of behavior. I'm here to listen." And, if possible, advise that you do check laws on stalking (often don't apply to blood family for some reason, it's the wording).... and on *civil* action for harassment. When my late dad's sibs sent a PI to my door? And I da*n near had a heart attack from panic at all of 30 years old? We started keeping records and looking for an attorney to file a civil suit for harassment. It's a "nuisance" suit or tort, from what I recall being told, but it tends to freak people out to see that legalese show up at their doorstep. Also, you could try suiting the cops for ignoring the violations of the TRO. Or going to the media about that fact. Heck, call the ACLU to get a lawyer.
That said, one of my cousins converted to a religion that means he'll never see any of us again even in the afterlife, so my family does tend to push one to rather extreme measures.
Big hugs, Alan, to you and to your wife.
I use a variation on an unofficial WAC ploy which is used to protect WAC privates from officers with *ahem* entitlement issues. My mentor taught it to me as, "The Sir Line." The essence is to put a "Sir, yes Sir." into every single sentence to the point of shriveling weenies. Take the thrill out of it for them while giving them as few negotiating points as possible. In the variations, I replace the "Sir yes Sir" with whatever gets respect in the stalker's life. For a rat sassing adolescent I might say, "Ain't you the coolest of the cool." Whatever. The important part is to keep the responses consistent and minimal.
I most often use visualization to help me stay grounded and rational during an attack. My longest running fave is to picture the attacker shouting through the bars of a mental institution, but I let myself get creative. I had one Army Colonel who was especially fun to visualize in drag.
Sure wish I had a better answer for you, Alan. Gnarly problem. . .