this year hasn't been too bad. i have finally started hanging out w/friends again, i am doing well at work, and i am succeeding in school. on new years eve, i "put out into the universe", i am ready for a boyfriend and to date. then, who do i see on facebook, but an ex. he has a history of alcohol abuse, manic depression, and is completely emtionally unavailable. i am searching for the answer as to why the universe put him back in my life.
with PTSD, i still get those aweful flashbacks of situations that made me uncomfortable. i literally cringe when i get these flashbacks. i thought i was supposed to forgive the people i had these interactions with. but am i supposed to be forgiving myself? allowing myself to make mistakes? god for bid i don't do everything perfectly !!!!!
are these flashbacks about me or the person i had the interaction with?
I think it's just this time of year, ya know. It will be 11 years on Friday, the 19th...11 freaking years that I've tried to forget. So much good had happened in those years, but I just can't help to think that that one experience in my life influenced so many decisions... Decisions that I may never have made if it weren't for the douchebag. I dunno. It's in my mind. At least I'm admitting it....
This is off topic, I know, but I wonder if I might be allowed to indulge myself for a moment here.As much as I'm inspired by celebrities and their work, I'm saddened by them, too, sometimes. I know it's dumb, I have enough grief in my life as it is that I don't need to borrow any from the rich and famous I don't even know. However, I'm old enough that I am a Cranberries fan from back in the...