Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I am new to the site; new to the group; new to all of this. I sit here and try to find the courage to reach out to others and I find myself falling apart. I feel sad, guilty, weak, and burdensome.
I was the victim of a head-on collision in January 2013. A 22-year old took a handful of pills (Methadone and Xanax) while also smoking pot and decided to get behind the wheel doing 65 MPH. I was on my way home from work at 10 o' clock at night and never had the chance to respond. His car came flying down the road into my lane and all I remember is seeing the headlights, hearing myself scream, feeling the pain, and waking up.
I walked away from the accident - Thank God, but the journey that has followed has been dark and confusing. I spent the first year focused on staying positive and attempting to recover physically. At first, I assumed I would simply return to work after three months of rehab but after more and more time went by; not only did I find out how extreme physical injuries were but worse - I realized the accident caused mental issues.
Though I've suffered from depression throughout my life; I've always been able to manage it. Whenever life seemed "too hard" or I experienced a traumatic event; generally I would find myself in a "funk for a week or up to a month or two at the most. But this was different.... this started out as sadness, anger, and a mix of a million other emotions, but mostly confusion. Honestly, I thought I would just push through, be strong, like I always have been. Not this time... WHY?
About nine months after the accident I had back surgery and found myself in a tailspin of emotions (from the anesthesia, I believe). I started pulling myself together the following January (2014) but in March something happened and the only way I can describe it is this - THE BOTTOM FELL OUT!
Things had not been easy at all for the first year after the accident but mostly I was focused on physical recovery and staying positive. But after March 2014 the anxiety became unbearable, the darkness became overwhelming, and with every passing day things just got worse and worse. My memory, long and short, is practically nonexistent. I have suffered from IED (intermittent explosive disorder) in the past but had it under control until this point. Irritability, sadness, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, insecurity, anger, confusion, scattered thoughts, and so much more.
I have recently seen a Psychiatrist and a counselor and found out that "yes" I have PTSD. What's crazy to me is that a car accident could cause such a thing (call me naive) and that it could trigger 40 years of darkness that I had buried. I am here because I am hoping to find people who understand what I am going through - because I do not understand and I feel like I will never get to the other side of this.
I was the victim of a head-on collision in January 2013. A 22-year old took a handful of pills (Methadone and Xanax) while also smoking pot and decided to get behind the wheel doing 65 MPH. I was on my way home from work at 10 o' clock at night and never had the chance to respond. His car came flying down the road into my lane and all I remember is seeing the headlights, hearing myself scream, feeling the pain, and waking up.
I walked away from the accident - Thank God, but the journey that has followed has been dark and confusing. I spent the first year focused on staying positive and attempting to recover physically. At first, I assumed I would simply return to work after three months of rehab but after more and more time went by; not only did I find out how extreme physical injuries were but worse - I realized the accident caused mental issues.
Though I've suffered from depression throughout my life; I've always been able to manage it. Whenever life seemed "too hard" or I experienced a traumatic event; generally I would find myself in a "funk for a week or up to a month or two at the most. But this was different.... this started out as sadness, anger, and a mix of a million other emotions, but mostly confusion. Honestly, I thought I would just push through, be strong, like I always have been. Not this time... WHY?
About nine months after the accident I had back surgery and found myself in a tailspin of emotions (from the anesthesia, I believe). I started pulling myself together the following January (2014) but in March something happened and the only way I can describe it is this - THE BOTTOM FELL OUT!
Things had not been easy at all for the first year after the accident but mostly I was focused on physical recovery and staying positive. But after March 2014 the anxiety became unbearable, the darkness became overwhelming, and with every passing day things just got worse and worse. My memory, long and short, is practically nonexistent. I have suffered from IED (intermittent explosive disorder) in the past but had it under control until this point. Irritability, sadness, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, insecurity, anger, confusion, scattered thoughts, and so much more.
I have recently seen a Psychiatrist and a counselor and found out that "yes" I have PTSD. What's crazy to me is that a car accident could cause such a thing (call me naive) and that it could trigger 40 years of darkness that I had buried. I am here because I am hoping to find people who understand what I am going through - because I do not understand and I feel like I will never get to the other side of this.
jltristan
@Leo... the ILLUSION of strength and control really is something, isn't it?
heartsadx3
I just want to add a welcome! I to was in a car accident from a driver running a red light. I also had no time to avoid the accident and I was in the car with my three young children. Thankfully we were all okay but it was really hard driving after that for me because I lost my sense of trust of drivers on the road that I had prior to the accident. I became a very nondefensive driver and to be honest I was probably more of a hazard on the road myself at that point. Then I had a weird thing happen the exact situation repeated itself I was crossing an intersection and a BUS ran a red light coming right toward me I did the same thing I had done during the prior accident which was take a sharp left turn and gassed it and at the same time the bus slowed and pulled to the right so we narrowly missed each other. After that I have been fine driving and I can drive defensively once again. Prior to that I was looking into classes for defensive driving something to help with my confidence. It is hard realizing how little control we really have and being faced with that reality. I also have suffered from many traumas and ongiong trauma. I hope you have an opportunity to work through some of your past so that as we all know we face unexpected things all the time it will be an easier time of going through. IMO
jltristan
@Heart Yes, I have NO trust on the road! In the beginning, driving at night was really difficult... the headlights coming at me caused an instant panic. I couldn't/wouldn't drive on the road where the accident happened. I wouldn't drive in any small vehicles - I didn't feel safe in anything smaller than a truck or SUV, but I did keep driving. I had two more accidents that year - neither of them my fault. Both nearly destroyed me and made me more fearful and distrustful of cars, the road, and the world but yet I still drive. Though I started noticing a pattern of when I drive, where I drive, and how I drive. I notice everything that every other driver is doing but my focus on myself is lacking.... like you said "probably more of a hazard." On the upside, I made it through 2014 without an accident! :)
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