I know where you are coming from. I was molested from 4-8 by my biological dad. I still have my bad days today being one of them. I feel like there are times when I don't have anyone to talk to even though I have my husband.

hi Harvey, i'm sorry for all that you've been thru tht brought you here, but glad that you did find here. this is a good place to come. there are a lot of comforting, accepting and kind people who understand and feel the same way a lot of the time. you will fit right in xo

Hi Harvey. Welcome to the forum.

If not feeling crazier is your goal, you might want to put me on ignore now. Allot of my own therapy focus is on training my crazies more than curing them. My crazy spots seem to be much easier to manage with an honest, gentle acceptance. When I try to suppress and/or hide them, they keep blowing up on me. With honest, gentle acceptance, it is much easier to spot the problem spots and ply therapy tools before the explosions happen.

But that is me. . .

Welcome aboard. Gentle support while you figure your own.

Welcome Harvey.... I am so sorry for what has brought you here but I'm glad that you're here.... There are some great folks on board....xo

I appreciate all the thoughts. Thought I'd throw it out there my name is Samantha I picked a random name. I suppressed my abuse until a few years ago and since then I've just been a train wreck I've had good months but LOTS OF BAD MONTHS. Does it get better? I feel stuck because every thing messes with me I have no strength, I feel alone , lost and sad all the time

Welcome! I am new as well. And I have found that as soon as stopped suppressing my feelings my life has been a mess. I don't know how I still have a job sometimes and I have to fake it to make it through everyday. The rollercoaster isn't fun anymore. But, I can say that continuing to find solutions helps, even if it's just for one good month. The good will eventually be more frequent than the bad if you keep working for it. I know it's easier said than done but Be strong! You made it this far!

Welcome but I'm sorry for what brought you here. You aren't crazy, what happened to you is crazy making for sure but you aren't crazy to be affected by stuff you don't know how to deal with. You aren't alone, lots of people here to support and help in almost any way you need. Hugs

In my personal herstory, each and every time a suppressed memory resurfaces, I experience a gushing effect. It feels like a dam has broken and a wall of water and detritus floods over me at life ripping speeds and strength. All I can do is grab on to whatever is in my vicinity and hold on for dear life. As the gush loses momentum and I find the strength and courage to look around me, the wreckage of my life looks like "Breaking News" footage from an unnatural disaster. "Crazy" is the sanest response I can muster from my wounded psyche.

Does it get better? Big question. I believe it is what I do next that counts.

When I pretend nothing happened and walk over the wreckage to resume my business as usual, I typically get a repeat performance, with even nastier detritus in the next go-round. Ditto for curling up inside the wreckage and waiting 'round to die. Nature is no great respecter of my death wishes. It is amazing what living creatures can survive. Not better by my strictly personal measure. . .

When I find and work a remediation (therapy) program, there are no guarantees or quick fixes, but it very often does get better. Healing and reconstruction become possible. Sometimes the end results are even better than the original design.

So it seems to me, but . . . Who is to judge? I'm just a patient with a documented record of delusions of grandeur and "Better" is a matter of opinion.

That took so much courage to share something that so deeply hurt you. I'm glad you've been met with acceptance and understanding. I'm not sure if you have a faith or belief system, but often time they too may be a good source for counseling. My prayer is this will be a safe place for you to share your heart and get some healing going forward. It's never easy exposing oneself to a group of people. Thankfully, this group is here to acknowledge and support you. Take good care of yourself.

Glad you found us, harv, this is a healing place and as you can see you're not alone here. Much support to you.