How many diagnosed narcissists do you know, personally? Did you support them in their therapy?

I hear the web sites quoted allot in the casual talk, mostly in break-up dramas, but have only known one person who ever helped a narcissism sufferer through psychotherapy. This fellow saw his mother through the therapy and is an amazing man.

Is there a mental illness which is easy to support someone through? I am skeptical that anyone CHOOSES their mental illness any more than I chose mine. Nor do I imagine that my own illness is easier to support than another's.

But. . . It is an etymology question. What does the word mean in contemporary, non-professional usage? Collectively, it sounds more like a playground taunt than a compassionate or professional diagnosis. . . For sure the meaning has changed since I first learned the word/mythology back in the 60's.

Everyone has some degree of narcissism, on a "bell curve' or "spectrum". When you cross into a certain zone, however, the narcissism becomes an actual disease of the psyche, and it leaves victims behind. THere's "I am wonderful!" and then there is "I am God, tremble and lick my boots".... and that latter? If combined with other issues, such as addiction or violence or PTSD? You get my dad. The Sucking Black Hole from Hell.

Dangerous Narcissism is, clinically, a self-loathing and self-denigration so severe that the world has to shape itself to deny those things or the narcissist will lash out and punish. Again, my dad.

Anyone considered to have too much "Ego" these days, hwoever, gets tagged a narcissist. Not the same, for me. That casual use/mis-use upsets me. I've seen narcissism. I've survived a violent narcissist. Their confidence that their way is the *only* way, and the measure they take to esure it? Nothing like the casual use of "narcissist" to mean "selfish jerk".

That's my take.

Leo,i couldn't have said it better,and i'm so sorry for what you had to live through..

in my experience,a true narcissist is someone who crushes every ounce of your self worth into the ground...

i find it very hard to speak of it....my lips have been sewn up about it for a very long time..

i haven't even addressed it in therapy yet,and even writing this here is very difficult..

I read some info online about it and I thought one line described it really well..." Toxic levels of grandiosity, entitlement and exploitativeness are on display"

I think the bottom line for me is that they suck the life out of you... Run!

I have to agree with LeoX3. I "Was" married to one for three years. It was three years, too long and I should have seen the signals before I fell into it. Oh well, done deal and thank God it is over. No matter what was said or done, it had to be HIS way. HIS opinion and when we were around others, all eyes had to be on HIM as he was the only one worth listening to or looking at. OMG, that was a seriously bad time of my life. At least I was able to get away from him. He DID end up getting most everything but my life as the Judge listened to HIM when we got the divorce. I lost my home, most of my money and most of my friends. All is good now and good riddance to him. I do believe in Karma and he WILL get his.

I get the feeling you're worried about people being casually written off as "narcissists" - emphasis on the "written off".

They say full blown narcissists usually won't go to therapy because they are convinced it's everyone else's problem.

Have you seen Pete Walker on narcissists?

http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

It's under "the fight type and the narcissistic defense".

I had not heard of it much in the past from a medical diagnosis. However, when two of my counsellors told me my Mom was and gave me some reading material I found it insightful

My therapist says you never see them in counselling because nothing is wrong with them, she has practiced for over 25 years. They do get dragged to marriage counselling by the spouse she told me

Most are on Facebook lol..

I am an amateur linguist and etymologist. I get curious when I note changes in mainstream language usage. "Narcissist" is one of those words. Until recently, even my shrinks accused me of over-compensating when I used the word. Not many people knew what it meant. In recent years, it has become a household word. There seems to be at least one official narcissist in every break up.

Thanks for the "Toxic" connection, Jan. I am off to see if the two changes sprang from the same language well.

Yup, I think this is officially "Off-Topic." I am definitely after the etymology. Maybe I should have added a "Nerd Alert."