Hello to all members, especially those who have known me from the start. I am not good at keeping up with you guys. Lots have happened since I was here last time, you guys wanted to be kept in the loop with what's been going on, here I am.

Minor setbacks: my security guard license was expired over a month so I was out of the active working community, that in itself took a toll on me. Glad to be working soon since my updated license came through. My current job position is no good since my employer decided to take me off of my part-time permanent schedule due to days taken off over time. Anyways, Ive decided to stop going back and forth with these people and wondering if I should stay with them. New positions have opened up at other security locations, so I am taking those opportunities. Thanks to close friends, I'll be starting in a new security position sooner than later. Another one in a couple of months, so I'll be working 2 jobs at the same time when that happens.

Major events: Last month, I lost my aunt due to liver cancer. She was brought in from her homeland, Dominican Republic to see her condition and see what could be done. However, when she came and got checked into the hospital, it was too late to do any real substantial operations or check ups on her. Too advanced. Thank God, she died with no pain and died in the presence of loved ones and friends. She was very much a pillar of the family and left behind a husband, daughters and sisters, and grandkids that look after her family back home. Loved and lived a long life. I was in a dating relationship for about 6 months and unfortunately, he broke up with me due to outside circumstances. My very first relationship and real intimate connection with a great wonderful guy. Clearly, it wasn't me and he made that clear. I loved him very much and I still do. He feels very much the same way and whatever promises he made that he had to keep, it's admirable but not smart. Clearly, I don't agree and I made that clear with him but I respect him and hold no ill will towards him. Maybe, this is God's protection for me and preparing both of us for another time in life, who knows what can happen but I am hopeful and know that I am given and deserve nothing less than the best. after all, I am loved and precious. It's one of the hardest things to endure; it's not the end of the world but it's saddening and painful for me to know that there was nothing I could have done. Men:  you think you know and get them then you don't. Ha!

Um, major career opportunities have opened up for me, besides employment oppportunities. I went and have gone forward with the 9-1-1 operator position within the NYPD.  So far, so good. It's more now of a decision of " can I endure this long enough before it takes a toll on my mental well being?" I am clearly over qualified, which is ridiculous but true, nonetheless. Is this where I can excel the best with the traits, skills, and experiences I have? I've clearly done my research in hearing other 911 operator videos and their experiences in their work position. I guess this is where I have most of my mental energy taken up: crossroads on career opportunities and personal relationship choices. Financially, things have been tight but things are turning around and I can't lose that perspective. I only pray everyday that I rely on God's grace, strength, and his promises upon my life. Nothing turned out to be the way I had expected things to be but I breathe it in and do what I can and need to. 

Health wise: I've given a lot of thought about my medications and I am leaning towards weaning off of them. I've been doing it already on my own, by days then weeks. I've seen the effects on my body and my nerves look and feel fried. I've been weary, stretched thin, and overwhelmed. So the time I take for myself has been crucial and necessary. I don't feel the necessity in having them but I do know they are helpful in keeping me balanced. I've been able to do and live my life with much support and strength from others and myself. yes, plenty of events have happened and not turned out to be the best or expected but it has not been a life or death situation for me to take them. I'm like this sensitive water ballon that can be popped at any moment with what I am dealing with. Which I dislike very much since I don't like to wear my heart on my sleeves. Sigh!