Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I like my boss at the community college where I teach. She won teacher of the year last year so she is popular on campus with administrators and other instructors, and with her students. She's been good to me about scheduling my classes the way I want and is easy to laugh with and talk to. Except on one topic: illness.
She's very young, attractive, and healthy, and she works out on campus and often wears her designer gym outfits around the office. Heck, if I had all of that going for me, I would, too. Unfortunately, it seems at times that makes her unaware of how she comes off to those of us older subordinates who work for her with chronic illnesses.
I go up for tenure next year, and at 56 with chronic kidney disease and PTSD, I really want the job security. Today my boss called me in to her office to talk about my chances for winning tenure next year. It was scary.
She literally said to me, "the first year you were here was the first year you were diagnosed with kidney disease and you missed a lot of classes. That was five years ago, though, so since for the past two years you didn't take a single sick day, you still might get tenure anyway."
"Might?" In my previous life before going off to become a hospital chaplain for 10 years, I had tenure already at a university--and gave it up, a decision I'm regretting now. But I've got good teaching evaluations from students for all 5 years of teaching at my community college. Her in-class observations of me have all been good every year, too. The most classes I missed in any one semester was six, total. I was never hospitalized.
Without a single sick day in 2 years now I've held myself to a higher standard than anybody else I work with, bar none. I kept my professional face on when she said it. Still, I heard her say that despite a good record and the ADA on my side, my illness means I only "might" make it. After work, I quietly freaked out.
Yikes.
She's very young, attractive, and healthy, and she works out on campus and often wears her designer gym outfits around the office. Heck, if I had all of that going for me, I would, too. Unfortunately, it seems at times that makes her unaware of how she comes off to those of us older subordinates who work for her with chronic illnesses.
I go up for tenure next year, and at 56 with chronic kidney disease and PTSD, I really want the job security. Today my boss called me in to her office to talk about my chances for winning tenure next year. It was scary.
She literally said to me, "the first year you were here was the first year you were diagnosed with kidney disease and you missed a lot of classes. That was five years ago, though, so since for the past two years you didn't take a single sick day, you still might get tenure anyway."
"Might?" In my previous life before going off to become a hospital chaplain for 10 years, I had tenure already at a university--and gave it up, a decision I'm regretting now. But I've got good teaching evaluations from students for all 5 years of teaching at my community college. Her in-class observations of me have all been good every year, too. The most classes I missed in any one semester was six, total. I was never hospitalized.
Without a single sick day in 2 years now I've held myself to a higher standard than anybody else I work with, bar none. I kept my professional face on when she said it. Still, I heard her say that despite a good record and the ADA on my side, my illness means I only "might" make it. After work, I quietly freaked out.
Yikes.
:-)
Got to agree with Arfie, have a full out tantrum and get it out of your system and setup a plan of attack to get your tenure.
One thing I do see in your post is "what if". Nothing is for sure right now, you are being considered for tenure still. Your mind is filling in the blanks and assuming you will not get tenure. You do not know that you will not get it. You said yourself you have an excellent track record for attendance and with the students. Even your in class reviews are strong. "What if" you get it? Then all this worry and upset will have been for nothing. Think positive.
Instead of digging yourself into a trigger, instead sit down and ask yourself how can you give yourself the best chance of getting tenure? Are their other professors you can get to write you a letter? Do you know who is on the tenure committee? Can you speak with them before they decide? What can you do to improve your chances? Can you objectively talk with your boss about your concerns and not come across negatively or defensive?
Chin up Muj, you got this one. You can do it and I know you are a very smart person who deserves and will get tenure.
You know all too well my situation. Admin in our profession is the WORST. And HR? Don't make me laugh.
Her "might" is her CYA speak.
I would be proactive and get a copy of your contract and any and all rubrics, evaluation systems, etc, and educate yourself about the criteria. Even ask her if she'd mind if you put together your own portfolio to "assist" her in data collection for your tenure.
Just today, I head my dept head come to me b/c a parent was perseverating on something from back in September regarding my use of technology in class. This less than four weeks before I get my preliminary annual evaluation.
Nothing like a call into an office to get the PTSD symptoms flowing, huh?
You'll be okay as long as you try to keep yourself in a position of control. Hugs.