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I like my boss at the community college where I teach. She won teacher of the year last year so she is popular on campus with administrators and other instructors, and with her students. She's been good to me about scheduling my classes the way I want and is easy to laugh with and talk to. Except on one topic: illness.
She's very young, attractive, and healthy, and she works out on campus and often wears her designer gym outfits around the office. Heck, if I had all of that going for me, I would, too. Unfortunately, it seems at times that makes her unaware of how she comes off to those of us older subordinates who work for her with chronic illnesses.
I go up for tenure next year, and at 56 with chronic kidney disease and PTSD, I really want the job security. Today my boss called me in to her office to talk about my chances for winning tenure next year. It was scary.
She literally said to me, "the first year you were here was the first year you were diagnosed with kidney disease and you missed a lot of classes. That was five years ago, though, so since for the past two years you didn't take a single sick day, you still might get tenure anyway."
"Might?" In my previous life before going off to become a hospital chaplain for 10 years, I had tenure already at a university--and gave it up, a decision I'm regretting now. But I've got good teaching evaluations from students for all 5 years of teaching at my community college. Her in-class observations of me have all been good every year, too. The most classes I missed in any one semester was six, total. I was never hospitalized.
Without a single sick day in 2 years now I've held myself to a higher standard than anybody else I work with, bar none. I kept my professional face on when she said it. Still, I heard her say that despite a good record and the ADA on my side, my illness means I only "might" make it. After work, I quietly freaked out.
Yikes.
She's very young, attractive, and healthy, and she works out on campus and often wears her designer gym outfits around the office. Heck, if I had all of that going for me, I would, too. Unfortunately, it seems at times that makes her unaware of how she comes off to those of us older subordinates who work for her with chronic illnesses.
I go up for tenure next year, and at 56 with chronic kidney disease and PTSD, I really want the job security. Today my boss called me in to her office to talk about my chances for winning tenure next year. It was scary.
She literally said to me, "the first year you were here was the first year you were diagnosed with kidney disease and you missed a lot of classes. That was five years ago, though, so since for the past two years you didn't take a single sick day, you still might get tenure anyway."
"Might?" In my previous life before going off to become a hospital chaplain for 10 years, I had tenure already at a university--and gave it up, a decision I'm regretting now. But I've got good teaching evaluations from students for all 5 years of teaching at my community college. Her in-class observations of me have all been good every year, too. The most classes I missed in any one semester was six, total. I was never hospitalized.
Without a single sick day in 2 years now I've held myself to a higher standard than anybody else I work with, bar none. I kept my professional face on when she said it. Still, I heard her say that despite a good record and the ADA on my side, my illness means I only "might" make it. After work, I quietly freaked out.
Yikes.
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
Serious bummer, muji. I'm crying with you.
Oh. Em. Gee.
Hey, tell Miss Wonderful there that I was an athlete in great shape, too----right until I *wasn't*..... Karma's a beyotch.
Oh, and if you were a woman and took that time for pregnancy, what would she say to that? Yeah. Hmph.
OK, I am in a bad place tonight so I guess I'm having the screaming wobbler for you, Muji.... or with you.... Whichever you need.
It goes on again today. My boss who spoke to me yesterday wants me to come to her office this afternoon today to talk about the teaching evaluations my students filled out about me. They're pretty good, I get a B+ or A- on most of them. But she said she wants to look for "gaps" or "red flags" in them.
I know she's just preparing my case before we put my documentation forward to upper administration, but it makes me ANXIOUS when she asks me to defend myself against a student comment. Some are nasty, like when a student wrote that I take drugs in class. Turned out the student was exaggerating how I had a sinus cold and used over the counter cold nose spray in class.
Even though it's knucklehead stuff, though, my boss makes me write answers defending myself about stuff like that. Probably a good idea, but annoying. And it is kind of a buzzkill to focus on that and get no "attaboys" for getting a B+ to A- from students on evaluations over all. Kind of hard on the ego.
Maybe she should look at the big picture, see a healthy forest, and stop whacking at the poor trees... When I had my own business I built into it the idea that 5-15 percent of the clients would find something wrong no matter how perfectly I did my job. Human nature---you're always gonna have people with their own agendas and issues taking them out on others, often without conscious awareness. And if you don't build that into any business model, you're setting yourself up to *fail*. I wonder if your boss has yet learned that? When you allow room for human nature, you can actually better spot what is or isn't a problem, instead of whacking any tree growing out of "proper order".... Did that make sense?
Hang in ther, Muji. We're here, and we *know* you can and will do this!
If you are to receive tenure and if there is any problem with that due to serious illness I would seek legal advise
Another hug and punch a pillow....xo
Good luck!