I went through similar with both of my now middle-aged sons. In my 20-20 hindsight, I wish I had listened sooner to the folks who suggested I focus more on being a sympathetic mother and less on being a diagnostician. They were out-of-control adolescents before I began studying how to keep my ears open and my mouth shut. Still studying.

But that is me. . .

For sure, it is a hard row to hoe.

Gentle support while you work it through, Voiceit.

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes i will try to be that sympathetic mother.

I think doctors could be a bit reluctant to put a label on a child that may stick with them for life. Just my thought. Keep being his advocate and showing you care for him. I hope he settles down and starts to feel safe and you do too.

My advice is to do lots of listening and help your son problem solve. Let him know that you're behind him even if he makes mistakes, and that you're behind him Especially if he listens to nothing you say.

My kids had a less than ideal situation with their dad's girlfriend and her three boys. My ex lived with her for 4 years. She had alcohol and anger issues.

A firm psych dx is not given by *responsible* professionals until someone is past physical adolescence, because just growing up and going through hormones and so on can make someone actually a bit "nutty". (Clinically speaking.)

Focus on love, keeping you and your son safe. My late dad was, in retrospect, a narcissistic a-hole from hell, so I can sympathize with your son. If his symptoms are recurring, because of factors in his life related to his father? Then something, IMHO, is wrong *there*, and not requiring a label for your child so much as, possibly, an assessment for abuse, perhaps?

Speaking as someone whose childhood was fairly hellish, as I now allow emotions to connect to events... Kids think adults *know* everything that's happening, when adults are often actually clueless, so why not just ask your son what's got him upset? Start there? Give him a hug or ten? Let him know you're there for him? Maybe see about therapy for you, so you can be there for him, and help yourself figure things out?

Like all advice, free to discard. Just remembering being nine years old and wishing my dad would go away and styay away and feeling horrible i felt that way and not knowing how to express that in a way (I know now) adults would've understood awsn't "just some kid thing" or me being "a bad kid"....

Healing hopes to you both.

I would create opportunities (going for walks or drives, doing art projects together) for him to talk to you about his father. Try to work in some questions without being abrupt or alarming ... find out if there's anything he has reason to be afraid to tell you. In other words, whether there are things going on with his father that he dare not tell anyone. Even if it is not the case, it will be very good for him to be able to talk to you about what goes on and how he experiences it. If he can do that he will no longer be alone with it.

My daughter had SEVERE anxiety issues between the ages of 3 and 5 (she's six), and it's gotten better but isn't 100% gone. Her therapist didn't want to give her an official diagnosis so rather than anxiety she suggested on paperwork it might be "generalized adjustment disorder." She was concerned that a label of anxiety would stigmatize my daughter when she enrolled in school and chose to deliberately not use it, although she purposefully had us learn grounding techniques and ways to assess anxiety and treat it.

Perhaps his therapist didn't want him to face stigma through his school with a PTSD diagnosis?

I know it's not the same as your situation, but you are not alone here. As a parent, I understand this has to be difficult.

Unfortunately I have more experience with this subject than I would like through my job. I've had numerous trainings and if you would like information on professional articles and studies please send me a pm and I will send you the info. Nearly every child that enters into foster care has experienced some form of trauma. Heck being placed into foster care is itself a traumatic experience. Social workers in child protective services and the attorneys like me are required to participate in 4 trainings per year minimum. All 8 of the trainings for 2014 & 2015 were on dealing with trauma informed approach to child welfare in my jurisdiction.