Its hypocrytical of me to say that men scare me when they swear. I swear a lot. However, something about it just sits in my bones after I hear it. It activates my nervous system.

I did a brave thing today and I said "No" to a car dealer who wouldnt take my offer on a used vehicle I was looking at. My car is starting to break down. I wanted to upgrade to a truck or SUV. My heart wanted the truck.

Though my uncle kinda helped me with this over the phone about what to do and say, it makes me feel like a fraud because I got help. I feel I always need help. And I realize I cant always do things on my own, I need help.

The car dealer/salesman was a liar. Fun to deal with. Which is funny because my EMDR session was focusing on processing that "I can trust some people" however my life has been filled multiple times of liars and feeling multiple times how I sold myself short because I compromise and thats how I got hurt. I didn't know how to speak up for myself, and I think my dad not being in my life plays a huge factor in my self worth, and self confidence. Its a long road of healing and forgiving myself I have not yet fully grasped.

I gave them my price offer for the vehicle and I said nothing more, and nothing less. It was 10,000 less than what they wanted it for. However, the market is awful anyway. And I think the truck is worth around what I offered, I tend to agree with it. The underside of it was spray painted probably to hide rust. I had another mechanic look at it.

He offered me the price of what its valued at. And I said "its a pleasure doing business with you." And walked away. He said "FUCK" behind me. To which this now just scares me off. They called me after I got off the lot. They said we can offer you other trucks and SUV's at that price. I didn't compromise. I want that truck. They started to tell me my perception was off. This is the bs I cannot tolerate. This is what bothers me to my core about dealers.

I wanted to yell at him and say "do you talk to your wife like that?"

These guys are jerks. Now they won't stop calling me. Its hard being a girl navigating this world.

However I did get some good therapy out of it. And I laughed because of how mad I made him and he was shaking a nervous when I told him my price. So I guess in some way I won.