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Malnutrition and Stomach aches

Unfortuantely the eating disorder group has gone silent for some time, so I thought that maybe I could reach out to any other individuals who are also experiencing side effects of an eating disorder here.
I hate it so much. It has come to a point where I would have a banana for breakfast and I feel as though I ate a dinner for 12. It's the worst feeling I have ever gone through. It ruins my mood, my daily life and hope for recovery. I have one more support group meeting before I meet with a dietition in March, but I am really struggling to wait that long. I know that once I stop eating I will never recover from early satiety (if I haven't developed gastroparesis yet...)
I think it all comes down to how I handle my depression, anxiety and stress levels. I do not handle stress well, nor have I taught myself how to handle it.
There is this constant nagging in my mind that I don't want help, that this is all normal to me. Being so self-aware AND mentally ill is so exhausting. I can't do this anymore. I feel so bloated. I want to unalive myself. If I have to suffer to overcome the gastroparesis symptoms just to feel normal again, god please, give me strength to pull through. I am scared. I hate who I have become...and what I have created.
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As I hate car shopping I go to start the process online and they have me come in I had told them what I wanted.i was happy with my jeep grandcherokee I had for the last 11 years I got it 3 weeks before my daughter was born and I put 200k on it. Cars are so expensive I feel is though I might as well go for the Lexus because I'm need an suv for my kids and for family activities and I got a dog.the...
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And DS is back!!It seemed so strange being off for a day!!I hope everyone's having pleasant dreams andWill have an ab fab Saturday!!!...xo
I just want to know if there are other individuals out there also going through a bad time with losing weight and unable to eat a normal portion of food without getting bloated and nauseated.
This has been going on for so long that I can't even remember the main trigger that started with me eating less and fasting so much. I did finish a intense practicum during that time, and failed to secure a job at the practicum site, might have something to do with that, but I'm not sure.
Sometimes I think it's just another form of me harming myself
how 'bout it? are we even in the same ball park?
problem envy, in general, is pretty sad. i try to be careful what i wish for. i might get it.
(also fashion anorexics envying your problem is so sad)
healing hopes are the thread which bind us as sibs-in-healing.
If you feel that you can't eat or want to stop trying please go to emerg and tell them exactly what you're going through
Another hug of support and a blessing
Have you ever recovered since those 18 months? What has changed if so?