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It's the first Easter without my dad and the family isn't coming together. Honestly, I could care less about the siblings...lie it hurts. But my mom bugs me a lot. I don't care if she doesn't want to cook, I already had a ham in the freezer and don't mind doing the cooking. So I extended the invite and nope.
She also said she needed help with her yard and asked if my boys would help. I figured it would be a good opportunity for her to spend time with the kids but it's like she's feeling sorry for herself, or pissed or something, because she got some neighbourhood kid to do it.
I've extended my help, even my kids and husbands help, and then she does this as what? A dig? I don't understand. The only thing I can think of is I declined handling her garage sail while she goes away for the weekend. I felt like she was taking advantage of me asking that but took it with a grain of salt, I even tried to figure out how I could handle it but I know I can't.
So last night I confronted her about not doing dinner, said she was the one who wanted to make sure we do what dad would of wanted then she attacked me about last year when I stopped talking to them (for what felt like good reason but I regret because it was lost time with my dad). So I went off on her. Now I feel like walking away.
I need to accept that the family is over but it's hard, not only for myself but when my kids ask who we are seeing for the holidays and I say just us.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
There have been four recent deaths in my family. Two parents on my husband's side. An estranged mother and an estranged brother on my side. The family contrasts on the two branches are extreme enough to feel like shifts between alternate dimensions.
I doesn't know, but I does believe one thing both of the family branches have in common is ? . ? . ? I don't have a name for ^it^ but your post resonates with my sense of ^it^. For sure the family tree has been shaken to the roots of its rootie toot toots.
Dunno. . . I think I am *just* babbling again. Been doing that allot lately, *just* trying to make sense of ^it^ all.
Hope healing happens here.
First couple of years were...strained. Almost 10 years later, it's wonderful. We have our own traditions, and our traditions bring the 3 of us closer together. It's flexible, it's what works for us. It's ten years of good, wonderful memories of us as a family and that's really what it's all about.
My best advice, figure our what each person likes/loves, and if anyone else hates it. If it's eating on the floor in the living room (yes...that's us), then do that! If it's formal dishes (my daughter is actually in love with tea cups...so I often buy her a nice cup or mug, or just nice tea for her stocking, or basket)...then do that. Paper plates, but the nice desert plates? Everyone dresses up?
I fill baskets still for my teens, we usually (but not always) decorate a few eggs either on the day or ahead of time, I stuff those plastic eggs and hide them around the house (part of the tradition seems to be finding an egg or two 6 months later), and hide Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs outside. Food for us is usually really informal. Atheist, so no church. And well...that's about it. Oh and the Beanie Baby bunnies and chicks from past baskets make an appearance and hop all over the place. Yes, they have names and roles...yes, it's complicated...no don't ask....
Best of luck as you find your way through, Patti
It can never replace our blood kin and the loss of closeness with them, I know, but it ain't nothing. I'm grateful to you for opening up about it so I could come up along side your story with mine and feel like I'm in good company in spite of it all. You're not alone.
Healing blessings to you. It's such a tangle.
I can empathize with her as well as anyone going through something but she doesn't understand that I have feelings too and obvious unjust expectations of how I'd like to move forward with them. Now they are pissed off at me for saying I want to be with them for the holidays??? I've done and said a lot worse things than my want to spend time with them lol.
I texted and no response and it bothers me but I'm trying to just shrug it off and focus on accepting what is happening. Ham is in the slow cooker and we will be having a family meal just us. I'll light a candle for my dad. Then Easter bunny in the morning, none of the boys believe anymore waaah, but will still be fun.
Happy Easter to those who celebrate. Thanks again, it's good to unload.
knowing i shouldn't see them or be around them and why i shouldn't doesn't stop that empty feeling though.
they have proven to me over and over that i feel more empty when i go out of my way - like taking a train because i wasn't able to drive and getting so exhausted before i even got there - to be there, only to have them laugh at me during an absence seizure and poke me and push me around until it got over. she's just standing there staring right at me. just broke my heart that year.
they are just people, after all. people i love. but people who are not good for me to spend time with.