Hello. I joined this board in 2013. I had the memories but no emotions attached to them of my childhood .... well, my childhood. I could say what happened, and it was like I was still dissociated from it all emotionally. Then the emotoins came back all at once in 2013. Yes. Roller coaster. I landed in the ER b/c my body collapsed under the strain of it.

Do you have trauma PTSD therapist to help you? I found that to be useful, along with DS PTSD. People here have given me hope, support, ideas, acceptance, that just isn't found all that commonly.

Anyway, share what you can when you can and we're here! No judgment, all healing purrs.

Hi Hopeforme, welcome to the group. Sorry for what you went through. Wishing you peace on your journey toward healing.

Thank you both for responding to my post. Leo, your comment about memories with no emotions attached described me to a tee. I could tell anyone that I was sexually abused by an uncle one time but never told my mom till I was 30. Only then because my niece was going to their home and I panicked for her. We have kept it secret in our family because he is dead but his wife (my aunt) is still alive and it would only be hurtful to her. But going into details was never something I did until a few weeks ago with my "husband" of 18 yrs. I have a feeling it came to a head because we are going to see my granddaughter this month to surprise her for her 9th birthday. I'm 68 now so held in for a long time! I have never seen a therapist but thought to google a support group this morning.

Welcome to the board..... Peer support is great hope.... If you can manage trauma therapy it could help you a great deal

I'm sorry for what's brought you here but glad that you've found us.... Big hug....xo

Knowing there is a site I can spill my guts to has lessened the anxiety already. Thank you all!

9 happens to be the same age some severe trauma began in my life, when mentally ill parents moved our family overseas to live in a war zone. We survived a car bombing that year, and then I was molested by a military advisor pedophile along with other elementary school mates the next year and the year after that. I can relate to what you say about how those memories come back. It does help me, too, to be able to vent that here.

Hi Hope, I too have trauma memories from a young age. Mine are from the age of 8, but recently in analyzing a strange dream that I have had since childhood with my therapist, there is a memory that appears to be from the age of 4. We are trying to figure out what all the details mean and why I wake up in fear every time I experience the dream. We are still piecing things together. It is interesting to see how this dream is playing out and the meaning it could have. We often don’t think about memories that could stem back to infancy and toddler ages, but according to my therapist they can come up, but like my dream is fragmented because I was so young.

Glad you added in mujicaptsd and Secouya. I've had nightmares but never anything from an earlier age than 9. I'm sure it's possible though, people are so sick. My husband likes to watch Steve Wilkos and I find myself getting sick to my stomach when it is about child molestation. I am trying to just leave the room. He recently told me I needed to get over this as it was so long ago. All my dreams are fragmented.

How long ago trauma occurred doesn't seem to diminish it, hopeforme. Those of us who went through childhood trauma, in fact, seem to have more symptoms from it later in life, not less. It's called "complex" PTSD. I learned about it here on DS PTSD when folks passed on links about CPTSD to me from therapist Pete Walker, so I'm passing one of those links on to you now.
http://www.pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html

Thank you mujicaptsd. I have actually found a "calm" from being on this site. Not healed obviously but a relief of some stress. Thanks for the link.

To hear that DS PTSD brings you calm is such good news, hopeforme! :-)