I can recommend you check out the Widows & Widowers group here on DS, and to be professionally evaluated.

PTSD and acute stress disorder have similar symptoms but are not the same thing and require different handling sometimes.

I say that b/c my mom and I watched my dad's health fade for seven years, and the last year of his life was spent with chemo and radiation etc. When he passed we weren't sure what we felt, and sometimes 20 years later we still aren't sure what to call that first year or two.... was it grief? Relief? Numbness? Just adjusting to life without him and the constant concerns of his illness(es)? It can be any or all.

Healing wishes,
Leo

Hi drew I remeber you from W/W, all the posts you had as you tried to work through some issues of her passing. I have seen you on other boards too including Hopeful hearts. I understand the effects of diabetes well as I am also affected with it. But I am also going on 15 years with it, so a lot more than that gong on here..

When you had your nervous breakdown, did you follow up with the counseling? I know there was also so much more going on in the family relationships as well. But PTSD does have certain characteristics, that are treated differently than other things, such as depression, Bipolar or GAD, from trials in life. I think it would be good for you to follow through with counseling anyway regardless of a DX.

You have had a rocky road on the widower recovery, and I hope you get the help that's right for you. Losing a spouse is not always a factor ,as many recover without, but you are still early in your loss. I know I am too to a degree at 24+months, but it certainly can add to it. If I remember you said you and your wife were together 15 years, then you were trying dating, even a relationship in side of the first year. Greif is funny, it will wait for you, there is no bypassing it. As soon as you get a slow point it gets it's time, but you may think it's been too long to feel this way. Not too long, if it was never gone through before.

It is good to see you, I hope you do follow up with some counseling, It has helped me, but I had PTSD even before my marriage to John, just having it really lambasted me when he passed after his battles with treatment for time.

Hello Drew. Welcome. I leave the diagnosing to the pros, but I, personally, welcome anyone who feels inclined to hang out and ask questions or discuss symptoms. Feelings of helplessness, grief, accepting hard facts and recovering from nervous breakdowns are all hot topics here. Feel free to add your questions and perspectives to the dialogue.

Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Another patient here, not a doctor. Most of us here were diagnosed in therapy. I was anyway, and like a lot of folks here, I credit weekly counseling over a long haul with my survival after trauma. Still an ongoing project. Welcome.

Irrational thinking as me not knowing how to be happy maybe? I don't know how to be happy like that was taken from me and I will never get it back I watched my love fade away. I am glad she's gone she hurt so much for so long. Her body just shut down. I am over her passing but the years of hardship, the missery, the knowing, that she was going to die soon. I don't know if I am over that. We probably spent most of our marriage at the hospital. All of that is why I think I may be suffering from PTSD.

Drew, it really got my attention when you wrote "We probably spent most of our marriage at the hospital." It really put what you're saying into perspective. So sorry for what you went through.

Some of the more acute signs of PTSD are the continious memories that a person can not shake.
If you spend most of your days constantly remembering the trauma then it is very possible that you have PTSD.

Grieving for someone who has passed away can take a long time, often years, so for PTSD to be a valid diagnosis, the memories have to be very vibrant, and they usually totally interrupt your life, you would also have motor function problems, especially when you are triggered into the past, you would also react to other people as if they were a part of the past even though they weren't.
When I was in the beginning stages, the crime was all I could think about. The triggers caused me to jump straight into the air, they caused me to be completely debilitated for days and weeks, barely functioning. If this sounds familiar you could certainly have this condition.

I don't much care what label the pros stick on the file folder, not even when the foders bear my real-time name. That is allot to go through, drew. I commend your endurance in seeing her through to the end. I am sorry for the hurt you still carry from that long, heroic effort. I would consider it a privilege to bear witness to your healing.

Healing happens. Hope it happens to you.

BTW livingon has a point, "As I understand it PTSD is an irrational thinking condition"

But in the moment we do feel totally rational in our thinking...that's why an objective person as in trained counselor help. Talking it through with them, and maybe understanding what we feel as irrational. It sometimes takes days for me to see her point of view, it's not instant. But it took years and years to get here so I tell myself to be patient.

Today is Wall-E for me,.
Jewells